Under the Giant Muh

Monitoring the situation
Monitoring the situation

For a while now I’ve been collecting cute/fun/lame slogans for this web site. They go just below the title at the top of this blog. I’ve been changing them about every week, and no one has commented, which I take to mean that no one has noticed. Anyway, I’ve been keeping them in this previously unpublished entry, and now I have decided to share them with you. Most of them are original, but if they are not I have cited their source in parentheses. Used slogans have an asterisk.

  • IF is the word in the middle of LIFE *
  • “Crazy life; life in turmoil; life out of balance; life disintegrating; a state of life that calls for another way of living.” *
  • A Tale Told By an Idiot (Shakespeare)
  • Cool Enough to Keep Your Butter Hard *
  • Tracers Point Both Ways *
  • Ask Your Doctor If Once Daily Giant Muh Is Right for You! *
  • I’ll Show Him How the Cow Ate the Cabbage *
  • A Sinuous Nozzle of Truth *
  • Eating the Chocolate of Truth; Washing It Down with the Fountain of Knowledge*
  • Manifesto for the New Order of the Third Millennium *
  • There Are No Answers, Only Choices (Solaris) *
  • I Did Nazi That Coming*
  • Y’all-Quaeda
  • It’s Not the Size of the Muh, but How You Muse It (Sterling Jacobs) *
  • “I don’t know what to make of that. I sure do don’t.” (No Country for Old Men.) *
  • Trigger Alert, Spoiler Alert, Alleged Reality Alert… Whatever *
  • Free 72-ounce Steak with Every Purchase! *
  • Always Put Horace Before Descarte *
  • So Funny You Will LOL Out Loud *
  • Qui Tacet Consentire Videtur
  • Stop trying to Hit Me and HIT ME! (The Matrix) *
  • Victorious Secret
  • Tra La La Boom De Ay, I’ll Take Your Pants Away…. *
  • All Web Sites Are Equal, but Some Web Sites Are More Equal than Others *
  • Better to be Slapped with the Truth than Kissed with a Lie *
  • This is a threshold moment Johnny. Walk through. (Mad Max) *
  • Myself in Every Strangers Eyes (Roger Waters lyric) *
  • It’s Only 1/8,048,315,834th About You *

  • Better to Remain Silent and Be Thought a Fool Than to Blog and Remove All Doubt *
  • “That Was Dope, Dude!”
  • We should teach our children how to think, not what to think.
  • The Dopest Web Site on the Web, Bro *
  • Only Burners Like You Get High (The Breakfast Club)
  • Potty Butt, Potty Butt, Anybody but a Potty Butt
  • ei incumbit probatio qui dicit, non qui negat
  • Version 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097 *
  • You are here… web > idiots > frauds > douchebags > richardbarron.net > giantmuh *
  • Absolute Intellectual Chocolate *
  • Let’s Jam This Fool [From End of Watch… actual quote, “Do you want to jam this fool?”] *
  • There’s No Point in Denying It *
  • It doesn’t take a village. It takes you shutting the f*ck up.*
  • “Richard, man. You’ve got too many f*ckin’ opinions, man.” ~Negative Guy *
  • Cramming That Red Pill Down Your Throat (derived from the Red Pill/Blue Pill paradigm in The Matrix)*
  • If You Snooze, You Lose; You Snost, so You Lost *
  • You Made Your Dumb Little Bed, So Shut Up and Sleep in It *
  • 104% 25-Carat Awesome *
  • Unashamedly Cadaveric *
  • This sure enough a bizarre sight in the middle of this shit (Apocalypse Now)
  • What Have You Done for Muh Lately? *
  • Since Incredulity Is Not an Argument, No Response Is Required
  • Feeling Insignificant? Here You Are InsignifiCAN! *
  • Puerile and Uninteresting (from an episode of thirtysomething) *

    A trail of breadcrumbs
    A trail of breadcrumbs
  • All Up in Your Biznatch *
  • Blasting Across the Alkali Flats (from an episode of The Simpsons) *
  • Not Only Is There No Spoon… (derived from The Matrix) *
  • Brought to You by Alcohol, the Official Sponsor of Everything
  • A Target for Faraway Laughter (Pink Floyd lyric) *
  • Wearing Out Our Welcome
  • Every Single Commodity You Produce is a Piece of Your Own Death (Slacker) *
  • The Voice Inside Your Head (Nine Inch Nails lyric) *
  • You Let Me Do This to You (Nine Inch Nails lyric) *
  • The Nicest Parts of Hell (Nine Inch Nails lyric) *
  • I Drag You Down, I Use You Up (Nine Inch Nails lyric) *
  • It Is Touching to See How They Love Big Brother (1984) *
  • Better than a Poke in the Eye *
  • The Hour of Purification is at Hand *

    The Giant Muh: Strangling a Bronze Goose
    The Giant Muh: Strangling a Bronze Goose
  • Picking Gnat Crap Out of Pepper *
  • Stimulating Your Pleasure Centers
  • A Dangerous Idea that Almost Makes Sense (U2 lyric) *
  • Pwning the !nternets *
  • Inappropriately Touching
  • Sanitized for My Protection
  • Kicking My Muse in the Crotch
  • How Much Wronger Can You Be? *
  • Ipso Fatso *
  • Res Ipsa Loquitur *
  • Mark Twain, Mark Spitz, Mark Wahlberg, Whatever
  • Trip Smooth Out
  • A Rag Tag Fugitive Fleet, Fleeing Cylon Tyranny (Battlestar Galactica)
  • Stand Up and Admit Tomorrow’s Never Coming *(Marilyn Manson lyric)
  • The Slate of Human Cruelty Wiped Clean
  • Oh the Humanity! *
  • One Half Genius, One Half Idiocy, One Half Fart Jokes *
  • Pain is Temporary, Glory is Forever; Bones Heal, Chicks Dig Scars (MTV) *
  • We’re Not Here to Do the Decent Thing; We’re Here to Follow Fucking Orders (Saving Private Ryan) *
  • Featuring E. Norma Stitts
  • Specially Designed to Enhance Its Luster and Beauty (infomercial) *
  • Fully Licensed and Bonded *
  • Amputee Porn and Squished Armadillo Photos *
  • Banned in 43 Countries *

    It's just me, my skills, and this dog.
    It’s just me, my skills, and this dog.
  • This Space Left Intentionally Blank *
  • Sponsored by the Suicide Encouragement Hotline *
  • Endorsed by the National Blog Council *
  • Kicking Buddha in the Crotch *
  • Open the Pod Bay Doors, HAL (2001: a Space Odyssey)
  • Culling the Herd One Sacred Cow at a Time *
  • Sometimes You Have to Lose Yourself Before You Can Find Anything (Deliverance) *
  • Crying Over Spilled Milk *
  • Oh, Giant Muh, Who Can Frame Your Fearful Symmetry? (William Blake) *
  • Death to All Who Oppose Us! (loosely from Heavy Metal) *
  • Making My Moobs Jiggle
  • Brilliant Double Entendres and Idiotic Triple Entendres *
  • All those … moments will be lost in time, like tears…in rain. Time to die. (Blade Runner) *
  • If it Ain’t a Mess, It’ll Do ‘Til the Mess Gets Here… (No Country for Old Men) *
  • The Truth Shall Make You Three
  • Making the Obvious Even Obviouser *
  • Why Cain’t I Quit You, Giant Muh? (Derived from Brokeback Mountain) *
  • “Well, Dennis, Thanks for 9-11ing the Mood!” (YouTube video The Magical Realm of Horse Man 2) *
  • “What Are You People, on Dope?” (Fast Times at Ridgemont High) *
  • Gloom, Despair, Agony on Me (Hee Haw) *
  • Blinkered Philistine Pig Ignorance (Monty Python) *
  • “You only live once, and once is enough if you play your cards right.” (Interiors) *

    I'm king of the Internet, Ma!
    I’m king of the Internet, Ma!
  • Wubba Wubba Wubba, Doodle Doodle Dee (MTV) *
  • “Just think of Giant Muh like busy, busy bee, gettin’ by by sellin’ honey…” (Derived from a Barry Manilow lyric)
  • Gestapo Tactics Against Tiny Kittens *
  • Burning the  Reichstag *
  • Copy, Paste, Repeat *
  • Everybody Just Shut Up! I’m Trying to Think! *
  • Call Me Back, Ishmael! (The Simpsons)
  • Soy un Perdedor, Piso Mojado! (Beck)
  • Made from Emu Oil and Unicorn Tears *
  • The following sentence is false. The preceding sentence is true. *
  • Richard punching stupid people in the rectum for no reason. *
  • “A very very heavay heavy ditit bertation tonight, we had a very dares darison by let’s go ahead tears tazion vuh thet, the have the pet.” -Serene Branson *

    I've given this a lot of thought.
    I’ve given this a lot of thought.
  • What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it? It doesn’t matter! *
  • This is my blog. There are many like it, but this one is mine. Without my blog, I am useless. With me, my blog is useless. *
  • The Dull Look of a Trapped Animal (Star Trek) *
  • Drunker ‘n Cooter Brown *
  • Slicker ‘n Grass *
  • Ain’t Gonna Eat Corn with a Bare Weenie *
  • The Only Web Site with the Power to Validate You as a Human Being *
  • Killing the Fatted Calf with My Special Forces Knife *
  • He Used to Cut the Grass! He Was a Nice Boy! (Frank Zappa song lyric) *
  • Moronic Jihad
  • I’m Richard R. Barron and I Approve this Message *
  • “Quote Unquote” *
  • Smelter? Damn Near Kilter!
  • Babette Nagorski’s Unexplained Purpose *
  • This is Your Life, and It’s Ending One Stupid Blog Post at a Time (Derived from a Fight Club line.) *
  • Because Giant Muh is Better than No Muh at All *
  • Don’t Quote Me on This *
  • All I Ask Is Total Obedience
  • Making Sisyphus Look Like a Wuss *
  • Laughingly Obvious
  • Milktoast and Onion Bagels
  • The Weak Need Not Apply *
  • Buy the Giant Muh DVD for Additional Features, Including an Alternate Ending! *
  • Customers Who Bought this Item also Liked Teflon-Coated Bullets and Films about Auschwitz *
  • “Like” this Page to Receive a Free Punch in the Groin *
  • The Best Empty Platitudes on the Internet *
  • What Did You Expect from a Pig but a Grunt? (JFK)
  • We’ve All Got It Coming, Kid (Unforgiven) *
  • You Can Log Out Any Time You Like, but You Can Never Leave (Derived from Hotel California lyrics) *
  • Unraveling This Mortal Coil *
  • All I Want is What I Have Coming to Me; All I Want is My Fair Share  (From A Charlie Brown Christmas) *
  • I’d Rather Have a Free Bottle of Bottled Water in Front of Me than Waddle Across Pottowatomi County *
  • By Our Excellent Cruelty (The Mohedrus)
  • Every Single One of Us, the Devil Inside (INXS lyric) *

    If nothing else, my descendants must know that I was well-haired.
    If nothing else, my descendants must know that I was well-haired.
  • 601 (from The Andromeda Strain) *
  • In a World of Sh!t, the Shiniest Turd *
  • May We Not Stand Still, for the Night is Coming (Supertramp lyric) *
  • Come All Without, Come All Within; You’ll Not See Nothing Like the Giant Muh (Derived from Mighty Quinn) *
  • Ich bin ein Giant Muh! *
  • Believing Absurdities and Committing Atrocities *
  • Have a Nice Trip; See Ya Next Fall!
  • Spitting on Your Cupcake and Calling It Frosting *
  • Okay, That Was Just Weird *
  • From the Grimy Chap with the Ill-Fitting Trousers *
  • Better Lame than Never *
  • “Blessent mon cœur d’une langeur monotone.” (The Longest Day) *
  • …a real, mensurate, quantifiable thing, tangible and incarnate… (Altered States) *
  • Daring to Ruffle the Feathers of Mediocrity *
  • The First Rule of Giant Muh Is: You Do Not Talk about Giant Muh (Derived from a theme in Fight Club) *
  • Houston, the Ego has Landed *
  • Taking Back the Word, B!tches *
  • Now the Number One Web Site on the Internet! *
  • A Fit and Fearless Fighting Force, Rising on the Wings of Victory *
  • The Elephant in the Room *
  • Disenfranchised Like a Fox *
  • It’ll End in Tears *
  • Earn Karma, Dole Pineapple *

    Where is this blue-eyed orphan today?
    Where is this blue-eyed orphan today?
  • As Cool as the Other Side of My Pillow *
  • Big and Veiny (The Mohedrus)
  • Like it or Not, I am Not a “Sheeple” *
  • The Apex Predator of the Internet *
  • Sure I Understand. I Just Don’t Care. *
  • The Cause of, and Solution to, All of Life’s Problems *
  • You Lie Down with Dogs, You Wake Up with Fleas. Sweet, Delicious Fleas. *
  • Raw Toast and Dihydrogen Monoxide *
  • Acrid Flatulence in the Garden of Delights *
  • A Thought-Blender Set to Frappé *
  • Che Diletto Straordinario
  • Truly He Is the Cuisinart Headrush *
  • My Chalk Mark in the Rain Storm *
  • Everything You Want in a Blog, but with One Third the Calories *
  • Stop Reading Right Now, Because It Only Gets Worse *
  • It’s Nobody’s Fault but Mine *
  • Drop and Gimme Twenty! *
  • Gently Douching with the Water of Knowledge *
  • Weaponizing the Truth *

    Fear and Loathing in Giant Muh.
    Fear and Loathing in Giant Muh.
  • Failing Hands, Failing Hope (Daniel Lanois lyric)
  • We Are of the Earth, Yet We Fly *
  • Because an Eighth Grade Science Teacher Said So *
  • Sure, You Think You Hate It Now, but Wait ‘Til You Read It! *
  • The Naked Butt of Doctor 13
  • Chipotle Ramadan
  • Donkey Hand Job
  • No, Really. *
  • I Don’t Care!
  • Nowadays Clancy Can’t Even Sing
  • F*** Each and Every One of You M************ *
  • If I Could Walk That Way, I Wouldn’t Need the Talcum Powder *
  • Because You Searched for the Keywords Idiot, Imbecile, and Cupcake *
  • From the Diary of Nikki Nookiesnatch
  • Getting Inside Your OODA Loop *
  • Compared to Giant Muh, All Other Forms of Human Endeavor Shrink to Insignificance (derived from Patton) *
  • The Hardest Words, Spoken Softly *
  • Bronze-Age Fairy Tails on a Unicorn Bun! *
  • Cootie Free Since ’63! (Suggested by my step daughter) *
  • Dispel the Black Cyclone That Shakes the Throne (Ben Casey episode) *
  • Take That, Everyone Who Deserves It! *
  • Objects in Mirror Are Uglier than they Appear *
  • The World’s First All-Cotton Web Site *
  • Gory Allegory in a Sarcasm Chasm *
  • Derp. Blorp. Twerk. Repeat. *
  • Smarmy, Limp-wristed, Narcissistic Mental Masturbation *

    Hey, who's the fat kid?
    Hey, who’s the fat kid?
  • Splodin Mah Telchum. Das What It Iz (“Exploring My Potential. That’s What It Is.” -Some jive I said to my wife to get her to smile.) *
  • You Get What You Get, and You Don’t Pitch a Fit (Advice from a four-year-old) *
  • “This is the best blog on the Internet.” -Expert *
  • Let He Who Is without Ass Cast the First Douche *
  • Sentenced to the Consonant Pain of Cramped Vowels *
  • Just Because I Know It All Doesn’t Mean I’m a Know-It-All
  • Just Because I’m a Know-It-All Doesn’t Mean I Know It All
  • As True as a Pile of Mirrors (The Mohedrus) *
  • Puke. It is Your Destiny. *
  • Oh, Muh, Your’e So Fine, Your’e So Fine, You Blow My Mind *
  • The Giant Muh Does Not Hate People; It Just Hates You *
  • I Feel an Urge … the Urge to Purge!
  • I Feel the Need … the Need to Have Peed!
  • Now a Proud Member of the Mengele Atrocity Network *
  • One of the Few Remaining Pages on the Internet that Doesn’t Have Cum All Over It.
  • I Remember Everything You Wanted Me to Forget (OceanLab lyric)
  • 13.798±0.037 Billion Years in the Making *
  • Repetition Works, Giant Muh. Repetition Works, Giant Muh. *
  • Beating Plowshares into Swords *
  • Your Radical Miserectomy
  • Reenergizing the Word “Grody” in All Its Glory *
  • “If I blow your mind, will you promise not to think in my mouth?” *
  • We’ll Crucify the Insincere… Tonight (Smashing Pumpkins) *
See what I'm saying?
See what I’m saying?


  1. I have indeed noticed these, just never commented on them. They are the best of their ilk I’ve ever seen.

  2. Well, this is hilarious — I just wanted to use the “a fit and fearless fighting force” again and forgot what we’re rising on, so I googled it — and THIS blog post is the only result. I think this means we have successfully preserved vital yet putrid utterances of dubious historical significance for generations to come!

    My work is muh here.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *