I am a pretty good weight right now, about 160 pounds soaking wet. At my height, 73 inches, and age, 54, that’s great. I’m down from 180 about six years ago, and have every reason to expect the trend to continue.

Sure, Richard, you’ve been a vegetarian since 1989. You’ve got the discipline angle nailed down. What about me? For starters, I don’t recommend diets, any diets. Paleo, low carb, Weight Watchers, Big Bob’s Bacon for Health, grape-a-day, whatever. The only diet that ends up working is one you can stay on for the rest of your life.

So, instead of going to lunch with the office crowd and saying, “I’m only allowed to line my coronary arteries with brisket. That slice of bread will make me fat,” follow the Richard plan from now on and be happy…

• Have apples instead of chips.
• Mustard instead of mayonnaise, and light Italian instead of creamy Italian or Ranch.
• Walk the dog after lunch or dinner, or both. (Sidebar: there is no downside to walking the dog, and it will improve your relationship with him/her.)
• Stop eating when you’re full.
• Turn down office junk like Girl Scout cookies, doughnuts, and birthday/retirement cake. Too irresistible? Bring fruit or nuts for everyone.
• Eat when you’re hungry instead of overeating when you’re famished.
• Give up the childish excuse, “I don’t care, I like… (insert unhealthy food.)” It also makes you look immoral: “I don’t care. I like… driving drunk/tittie porn/beating my children.”
• Make an effort to dress thinly. It really does matter. I know someone who gave up years ago and now dresses, and looks, like a pumpkin every day.
• Sugar drinks and their deceptive cousins, artificially sweetened drinks, are a powerful enemy against health, from the packet of sugar you dump into a glass of tea to commercial brands like CocaCola and Pepsi. They all have one thing in common: they create an endorphin rush in the body greater that any real nutrient. Water, unsweet tea, and coffee dude.

Why should any of this matter? Sure, we can feast on jerky and Spam, take statins, have a heat attack anyway as a “wake up call,” and struggle for the rest of our lives to stay off that scooter, and survive. But I’m talking less about quality of life in this instance and more about esteem.

Name anyone who admires your receding hair line and bulging waistline. Name someone who thinks you’re a hero for your ability to eat stuffed crust pizza.

Now think about the people you admire. They dress well, they speak well, they make eye contact, they never gossip. And they stay in shape.