Real team mascot, Hereford, Texas:
The Hostile Herd and the Lady Whitefaces

Advantages to prison:
-3 squares a day
-Free “sex”
-Lift weights
-Look cool – smoke!
-Meet the warden’s wife

Norman Vincent Pilaf’s “The Power of Positive Starches”

When we were little, some of us thought Brunschwager was actually Brunch Wagger.

The Four Erections of the Apocalypse: The Rider of the Pale Hard-On.

Your nose keeps growing your entire life because the lies keep adding up.

Apparatus man: he’s too complex.

D ordered “Prairie Fire Bean Dip,” but we thought we heard him say “Very Tired Wombat.”

Twisting the carrot deep inside, she needs to know why Santa wears a red suit. Two possible answers:
-Hide the bloodstains
-He’s a vampire

-Hide the Salami
-Bob for Bananas
-Make “The Face”
-Do the Horizontal Bop
-Make the Beast with Two Backs
-Do the Nasty
-Ride the Hobby Horse
-Spin the Pickle
-Answer the Phone, Bitch!