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Open Mic Night, January 5, 2026

January 6, 2026 / Richard R. Barron

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richardbarron.net v 3.14159265359…
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EnDui Special Circumstance
Insert Better Title Here for Observational Douchery
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Off the Road Again
Full of Holes
Forever
I Will Follow
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Here Comes the Sun
Exercise in Futility
A Little Shy
The Power of Deconstruction
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Power to the Pig People!
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Looks Like We Made It
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Blending Fantasy and Reality in More Ways than One
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Again, the Cosmic Lattice of Coincidence
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Inclined to See the Bright Side
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Chores in a Box
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Dick Laurent is Dead
How to Have a Head Cold
Novembering
The Young and the Restless
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Another High
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You Must Be Yoking
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Bathroom on the Right
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Weather or Not
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Written Dry
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Riding the Rich People’s Diesel Train
Earliest Memories
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Our Childhoods in a Nutshell … or, uh … Bugshell
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Patriot Nevertheless
Emergency!
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Another “Guess Who”
You Can’t Hide Your Pryin’ Eyes
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Dear Ally or Whatever is Your Official Opinion
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Like the Deserts Miss the Rain
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The Last Day of School
Turning Crashes Into Toys
Two Lost Souls
Fruit of the Poisonous Tree
Changing Your Life with the DAPA 78000
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Hitler Youth
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The Twenty Transition
Ass Grass
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The Unholy Trinity Tour
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Stresstacular Honk Honk!
When You Wish Upon a Star
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Splitting Peas and Molecules
Camping – the Good Kind
Lift Me from this Place
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Another Fun Fact
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Ice on Ashes
Memoirs of a Bean Guy
Shrinkydinks in Happyland
Stampeding Cattle … through the Vatican
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You Might Become Frankenstein
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A Box Named Judy
Cool Mist Vaporizer
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Forever Autumn and the Winter of White Rain
The Problem with Pluralism
“A Human-Skin Rug in the Master Bedroom”
A Man for All Seasons, Including the Winter of ’44
A Room with a View
How to Leave Facebook and Why
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When You Least Expect It
Mirror Mirror, Roller Coaster, and Playtime
Five Enduring Myths about JFK
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Peace Pole Hell Hole
Yes, Virginia, It IS an Assault Rifle
Frijoles Negros Experiencia Cercana a la Muerte
A Happy Halloweener
Another Fun Fact
A Quarter of a Century in My Corner
Can’t Make this Stuff Up
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Minus Three
Open Arms Syndrome
The Mad Dash of Destiny
Bad Ink, Rush Guy, and the No-Repeat Playlist
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Ain’t No Mowshine
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Inside My Big Stick
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Antenna Day!
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Cling-On Invasion
A Hundred Little Fires
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A New Regime with a New Web Site
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Who Could Shoot a Child?
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So Long Bug Ranch
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Songs for My Funeral
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The Day Nothing Really Changed, Except…
Band Names, Titles, and Poo References
The Case for Rinsing
Smell Phone
Life Out of Balance
Our Big 8 Championship
Catching Flies
The Giant Knowledgemuh
Pincushion Richard or Playoff Syndrome
Source of Light
A Fickle Mistress
The Spark
Growing Up Rusty
My Next Invention
“Abby, We’ve Got Cows!”
Just a Straight Frackin’ Answer Please
Escaping from NASA and Wearing Spurs
Another Fun Fact
Wedding on the Farm
“Death to Jews!”
Amidst the Ever Deepening Gloom
The Curious Weeks of September
Advise for Parents from my Nap
Another Fun Fact
Among the Undead
Review of “About Last Night…”
Internetal Malnutrition
We’ve Only Just Begun
Facon and Eggs
To the Voiceless: There is Hope
Camping and Hiking: What’s Involved?
Drought Pout, or I Would Rather Be Mowing
Thought for the Day
“Are You Gonna Burn?”
Manifesto!
Rainbows, Antenna Farms, and Secret Codes
The Predictable Rage
The Wheels on My Spleen Go Round and Round…
Assignment: Team Blackout
Why Capital Punishment Doesn’t Work
“The Soul with No Leak at the Seam…”
You Can Never Go Home Again, But We Did
Deliverance Country vs Planet of the Apes Country
An Honor and a Privilege
Celebrity Morphology in the Age of Deconstruction
When Seconds Count, the Police Are Minutes Away
Trip Report: Christmas After the Storm
“I’m with Skip!”
The Sacrifice of Jesus
“Golly, Gramps!”
Testify!
Another Fun Fact
Naked Came I
Dancing with Roger Cocteau
Which Came First?
Trip Report: Siren Song
Giant Scorpions Ate My Dog!
Another Fun Fact
“Why Don’t You Believe?” -Coworker
Civic Duty to Eschew Decadence
My Favorite Food in the Universe…
Another Fun Fact
A Fungus Among Us
Narrating Your Boo Boos
Another Fun Fact
Thirty Years
Reconciling Good and Evil
“Get Out!” -Dennis Terry
Sing Along if You Know the Words
Out of the Drought, Phase Two
Sawdust in My Hair
Watching Me Wax and Wane
Peach Lifting for Skinny Guys
Death and All of His Friends
Another Fun Fact
The Reanimated Corpse of Marcia Brady
Double-click, Read the News, Listen to a Song = Instant Dream
When Jamie Roo Calls
“The Shallow Drowned Lose Less Than We…”
Rev Uh Lay Shun
DNA: You Don’t Bring Me Flowers
Film Review: Lost Horizon
“Oh, Live in the Country…”
The Rules
Cinnamon Rolls on a Rainy Easter
Another Fun Fact
The Rhapsody of Springtime
And by the Way, You’re Fired
My Chances of Being Struck by Lightning…
Sunny Sunday, Mowing Monday
Another Fun Fact
House Full of Riches
“When You Get Your Billion…”
You Are Not Filthy (But Ought to Be)
Sentimental Toothpaste
Just Added: 32 Images
Another Fun Fact
One Again, the Porn Industry Shows Us the Way
Another Plum Bites the Dust
Little Trucks in the Big Picture
Another Fun Fact
The Last Winter Rains
Right Out the Box
Another Fun Fact
Sunday Best
Fair Warning: I’m Out of Facebook
The Extra Day
Reality vs Self-Image
FBI Diapers
You’re a Vegetarian? What Do You Eat?
Idiopathy and Concentricity
“About Us”
The Other End of the Pasture
The Swimming Hair Story
Give Mac a Chance
The Throes of the Psychic Wars
Temperatures Rise and Fall
Tender MRSAs
Throw Down the Gauntlet
This Slavery, This Violence
Name Change
Grass Angel
Another Fun Fact
Why Did I Unfriend You?
Fertilizer
Cross Circuited
The Coldest and Wettest I Have Ever Been
Can’t Hold His Licker
Chicken Run
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum…
Insane Robotic Baby Mode
From Bedrock to Sin City
The Valley of Shadows Incident
Beautiful Night for a Fire
My First Edict When the New Order Comes
2011: The Year in Review for the Giant Muh
ET, Phone Centrahoma
Grimy Claus, Also Known as Kletus Kringle
O Christmas Tree
Some Little-Known Facts About Christmas
Summer and Lightning
The Dark Season Underground
Subterraneans and the Summer at 10,000 Feet
My Wife’s Heart
A Crescent City Celebration
The Beauty of Enough
Hijacking a 747 to Canada
Sleepy Monochrome
Finally, a Sort of Thanksgiving
Exploding Synapses
I’m Going to Blow Up “Pinterest”
Locked and Loaded
Abby had Puppies!
“Autumn Winds Will Blow Right Through Me…”
It Really is a “Web”
The Pool Story
World Puny Plan Day
And the Wind Calls Judy
Should They?
“…a tenth of the city fell…”
Wood Smoke and Moonshine
Opium Blonde
Eyeing the Future
Bus in the Strangers
Motivation
Family News Near and Far
Tired Cameras
Creative Blitz
The Promise of September
Pinch, Coke, You Owe Me a Poke
The Mayor of Wrongville
Brainy Days and Fridays
Dreampocalypse
My Wildfire Moat
“All the Gold Dust in Her Eyes…”
Okay, Yes, I Mowed the Pond
Response to Five Questions for Atheists
No Sign of Wife
Fanfare for the Common Man (on the Web)
How Should I Feel?
Sometimes it Rains and it Pours
As Heard
Snow Means Liberals Are Idiots
“That Doesn’t Even Make Sense.” ~Abby
What’s Hot, What’s Not
The Pig is in the Poke
Onlyness
Word of the Month: “Ponderous”
“The open road still softly calls.” ~Carl Sagan
Paradox of the Arrow
The Lighter Side
Pray It Won’t Happen
Finally, Some Real News
Laugh at this, Consumer
Unexpected Visitors
Basking in Obsolescence
Recycling, Country Style
Our Dads on Father’s Day
Summer Sessions
X-Gen Remorse Over the Atrocity
Searching for Petey
The Good Missiles of 1983
Spring into Summer
Critique of Facebook
Returning the Favor
Powerful Intoxicants
Saving Society from Itself
Other Thoughts, or “That is So True”
A Review of “No Country for Old Men”
Pandora’s Box and the Mohedrus
More Less Plus Less More = More Ons
“And the Rain Sets In…”
Achy Breaky Editing Day
The Ever Popular Tortured Artist Effect
No One’s Home
End of Days
Watching and Tending
Unicorn Facts
Different Germs, or Different Me?
Pork Loin Porno Caper
Flirting with Winter’s End
Drunk Driving Antiabstraction
Spider’s Eyes and Bull’s Eyes
Social Pressure at 15
Uncle Bill
Sunshine!
Our Demise
Snow Dogs
Snow Day
Let’s Talk About the Weather
Preparing for Snow-ice-sleet-freezing-rain-pocalypsemageddon
Hashtag This, Doofus
Ten Fingers and Ten Toes
Seething with Contentment
Sixteen Ear Candles
The January Warm-Up
Ultimate Nihilism
There Is Help
I Know Where I Am Welcome
Apocalypse on Walton’s Mountain
Shocking Black
The Insult as Argument
Chele Winters
A Fine and Fancy Thursday
Earth to Earth
Missionary Man
Don’t Make Me Come Down There!
Death Bøner 3000
Python Salad
I Flew Away
Summoning the Muse
Should Christians Rethink Earthcentricity?
Fear of Fearing Fear Itself: from the Green Bük
Green Bük Lavage
Green Box Mode
My Life Space from Space
Weirdest Tree Trimming Ever
Rubber Glove Orange Suit Nap Dream
County Roads, Take Me Home
What is Food?
Obamanation
Seasons to Cycle
Tolerance
“The Day He Journeyed Deep into His Mind”
Top (insert number) Lists
The MDZCWSRRBBS, Also Known as The FLAB
The Finally Frontier
Protected: Another Classic Case of Disresponsibility
Take Five in Cold Blood
Frog and Spiders and Goats, Oh My!
Home on the Range
Perfectly Ugly Karma
It’s Hard to Imagine
Anti-Arbor Day
The Huge, Chewy Pears
Does Anyone Even Click Through?
Suction, Stat!
Blaze of Glory
Hard Target Search
The Key to Solving the Key Problem
Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Muted Polka Dot Recliner
An Open Letter to Gun Nuts
Growing Up in the House of the Almighty
A Dog with De-stinked-tion
The Wild Road Ahead
The Quick from the Dead
Oklahoma Chain Saw Massacre
The Fantasy Flood
Huge, Enormous, Gigantic Tomatoes
Your Mother is Your Mother
De-sacking the Feline
Growing Up Trek
Dragon Branches
Days with My Love
Raining on their Parade
Some of Our Dharma: New Motor Home Day
Gilligan’s Bunch
Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms
Dream: Sky on Fire
The Many Layers of Familyship
Meditation on My Slice of Green
Rain on Rose of Sharon
Talent Night in Tulsa
Win a Few, Lose a Few
Funeral Party
Boycott Life
Let’s Play Cameras!
Facebook Slam
The “Work for Blog” Folder
Sourest of the Sours
Here
What If I Married Her?
Turning to Go
We Shall Meet in the Place Where There is No Darkness
Rumors of My Demise
Three-peat Plus One
Too Many Tigers
Don’t Mock My Roots
The Standard Lie of Courtship
Richard’s Plantation
Sparing the Innocent
More Than You’d Ever Expect…
The Relentlessness of Dreams
Oh to Be 10 (or 30) Again
Gathering and Remembering
The Passing of a Patriarch
Curiosity Killed the Cow
“I’ve been driving all night, my hand’s wet on the wheel…”
Sweet Tooth
“On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair…”
Take It Easy
Rabbit: Some Fun Easter Facts
The Dreaded Strep Stick
Salt Tooth
Walk the Walk
An Inexcusable, Petulant Teenage Act
Dreaming of April
Is That You, Vernal?
Snow on the Dashboard
Drag Marks
The Rite Stuff
The Name of the Beast
Those Championship Seasons
Of Course: a Burial Shroud
The Verdict on Microsoft
A Non-Partisan Cartoon…
Dentile Health
Zero Tolerance for Neo-Fascist Robots
Why Am I Wasting Your Time?
A Modest Proposal
My Mischievous Past
My Snowy Valentine
Passé? I’ll Pass.
It Strikes Me as Beautiful
Just One Way
Names for our socialist paradise
Deceptavor: he lives on your lies
Our Winter Wonderland
“Justice – Mercy – Humility”
Power to the People
Snow Nazis vs the Tuna Can
Skirting Perfection
Utopian Meritocracy
Lean Not on Your Own Understanding
Sit in the Sunshine, or Lapshine
Don’t Try this at Home
Slimy six-legged antenna-bird of New Guinea
You Can’t Have Your Bread and Loaf, Too
Fabulously Foxy Foto Friday
A Sudden Flashback to Childhood
Fake Dookie
Embarrassed to masturbate in front of the cat
Memories of Old Photographs
An Admirable Resolution
Brand X
2009: The Year in Review for the Giant Muh
Constant Squeaking, or a Hot Dog Dog
Merry Blizzard!
Merry Christmas; Freeze, Scumbag!
A More Cynical View of the Ancient Ones
Eels: Our Hidden Enemy
One Man’s Trash, or A Straight Flush
YourSpace Sucks; Goodbye MySpace
Spectacular, or How in the World?
“I was taught…”
Games People Play with Themselves
Goodbye Freedom
An Open Letter to Your Band
A Holiday Vignette
If you can bear the terrible secret
Reality Check
We are the Nauseons!
Creativity: My Raison D’être
Feeling Imagy
Resonator City
A Trip to Disneyland
Insult intensifiers: Here’s how!
My Best Friend
“I don’t care! I like it!”
Dial J for Jesus
Kool and the Gang vs KC and the Sunshine Band
List of “Kicks” we were on at one time or another…
The Necessity of Insensitivity
A Gateway to Shutting the Hell Up
Death and All His Friends
The A and the A
151 Haiku About Farting
A Covering of Pure Epidermis
Grinding the Peeve into Dust
What’s in a Sentence? I Mean, Besides Verbs and Stuff…
The Unforgettable Fire
A Hunger that Never Dies
Scenes from Apartment 11
Notes that Don’t Sing
Late-August Song
Points of Order
Hand Me an Issue
Holic?
Sick Kids and the Boogie Man
Arbeit Macht Frei
richardbarron.net vs The Man
Civil Liberties in the Face of Threats
Once an Ass, Always an Ass
Television Itself has Jumped the Shark
The Mentality of the Wealthy
The Devil Inside
Broken Machines
Trivial Pursuits
A Few Good Ideas about War…
The Daytona 500 of Funerals
Slamming the Orally Fixated
“The ones that don’t fit in…”
Snotmosis
The Predator
“A mathematically precise feeling of complete inadequacy.”
The “E Machine”
Long in the Teeth
The Famous Superfoods List
Dormatorium
1982 BB (Before Beard)
Forty Year Superfraud
Kerouacian Eyes
The Hero and the Ironic Talk
That Cross-Country Daze
Axchewal Clews
The Last Big Sandwich
Our Parents and What They Were Like
“Good Servant”
Turn for the Worse
A Fine Night for Frys
My Only Loan Officer Joke
Sic Semper Tyrannis!
The Filling Fields
Praise for the Mrs
Pinching Off Crotch Suckers
Quit Whining, You Baby
Humble Beginning
Another Pointlessly Complicated Dream
Killing Ground: Junior High
“Mars Invaded the Earth at 5:54 this Evening…”
Sugly Soto Saturday
The Photo That Scares the Sh!t Out of Me
No Room for Daddy
Spocky McSpockerson
Whinier Living Through Chemistry
Traitors
Vendetta? Victory? Ah, Vegetarian!
Extra Special Favorite
The Horse Whisperer
Your Stupid Plans
Have We Any Footballists?
Good Boy
Coming Out of the Closet and On the Ball
Playing Trek
Ralph Nietzsche
“I am duck, hear me quack, from my frontside to my crack!”
It’s easy enough to pat yourself on the back. The hard part is to get the world to stop kicking you in the nuts.
Selections from the Green Notebøk, Level A26, Cell 16B
The Wild Heart
5280 Feet of Fitness
Garden of Eden
– page left intentionally blank –
My April Fools Dénouement
What a Hack
Awaking to Perfect Sanity
Ich bin ein dustmite!
The Unwriting Idea
An Epic Conundrum
“Daddy, Is Reality Real?”
Coprolalial Squint Lozenge
Bitter Potato Festival
Happy Valen Time’s Day
A Window of Wisdom
YUBBY!
A Dream within a Dream
Vanquished Enemies
A Warm Little House in the Cold
Aaaaah! My eyes!
How to Spend Your Golden Years on Your Ass
Another Dream
Dreams Like Water
A Salad that Heather Would Love
The Re-Amazing Abby!
I won’t say anything. If you’ve gotten this far, you already know what you need to know.
Stop Stopping Statin
A Plethora of Warmth
Break Pride
“This is Carlton Your Doorman…”
Nestle, Quick!
2008: The Dogs Ate My Homework
The Notepad of Destiny
Boner Patrol Spots Another One
I Finally Understand
And I wonder to myself, “How far beyond stupid can we take this?”
Children: Our Most Dangerous Commodity
An Unusual Sighting
The Smell of Success
How to Tell that Your Wife is the Coolest Ever…
Her Eyes Again Bright
Holiday Season
Trekker v Trekkie v Ubernurd
We All Have a Past…
The Night Sky
Retarded Sheep Run the World
Toe Socks and Watermelon
Jennifer in the Woods
Beaming with Pride
Free Info on Mind Control
A Very Weird Night at Wal Mart
Game of the Year
An Opinion Machine
Jumping the Shark has Jumped the Shark
Hand Me a Plunger
Ah, Maaaaan! Am I a Lesbian?
An Insufferable Garden Braggart
Dream fragment: I star in a sitcom about a man named Adolph Titler
Buxton: Still an Idiot
Flags and Candy
Time Flies Like an Arrow; Fruit Flies Like a Banana
Right and Wrong
Our Mildonting Machine
A Back Road, Red Dirt Gypsy
The Culpability of Islam
The Fox and the Shark
Whoming
A. K. A. “Chihuahuas”
My Own Personal 9/11
Coolest Mother-in-Law Ev-ARE!
Come September
The C-Names List Listed
Under the Swirl
Reassurance
(You may regard this as a class 4 attempt at being un-funny)
The Irony of the Sacred
An Indisputable Miracle
Somniloquy
Our 15 Minutes
Lamb of God
Church Wedding
Culling the Herd
The Cuervo Gold
Conscience of the King
Head Over Heels
Shiny, Metallic and of Great Value
Ginormous Unfurlage!
A Steaming Pile of Irony
Some Famous July 1 Births
Adding “Tree Surgeon” to My Repertoire; or Night of the Lopper
God?
Analysis Shows…
Absolute Loyalty
Strictly for Dog Lovers
The Longest Day
Febrile Pyrexia
Synopsis of 2008 Abby’s Pneumonia
A Few Interesting TV Tidbits
Nature Gone Haywire, or in this case, Peachwire
My Wife
As Green as It Has Ever Been
Doppelgångerage!
A Gopher in Sunglasses
That Sialogogic Year, 1995
Relying on Reliable Stuff
She Ran Calling “Wildfire”
The House that Jack Built
All Things Must Pass
A Really Bad Athlete
Something for My Wife (or Every Little Kiss)
Finally Enough Lava
Eight Things
The Moral Ambiguity of Worms
The Wearing of the Green, the Eating of the Hammer
Shaft Synchronicity – Shaftronicity
A Harbinger of Spring
A Spy in the House of Light
Arbor Day!
The Oddest Playlist
Leap Day
Alchemy: Changing Spaghetti into Cheese
Emesis Sissies
A Shot in the Arm
The Party Line
Flying
The Predator
Squizza! Vegurrito!
A Trip to the Basement/Wind Comes Right Behind the Rain
La Mort Heureuse
Us or Them
Tropical Paradise vs Winter Wondeland
Awaiting Brimstone
At Long Last, the Perfect Morning Defined
Joy to the World
From Kris and Jessica
Gluttonous Ruminants
Possible Plans for Thanksgiving
A Llama in the Hhedgerow
Let’s Play!
Actual Name of My Godfather: Dick Spray
Tinfoil Hat to Deflect CIA Control Rays
Richard Powerwashes the Pig!
The “Come Here, You Have to See This!” Frog
Are You Fatting Kidding Me?
A Vegan in the Wood Pile
The Death of Our Aunt Carol
Trail of Tears
Email from Nicole: “Oh. God.”
The Truth of Her
The Poem Every Day Project
Our Father Joseph L. Barron’s Death
Abby and Richard Get Married
First Date with Abby
The Minimus 7 Letters, Part 4
The Minimus 7 Letters, Part 3
The Minimus 7 Letters, Part 2
The Minimus 7 Letters, Part 1
Short Story: Love Letters
Short Story: Wallpaper
List: Funny Allegedly Real Names
List: Dog and Cat Names
The Collected Poetry
Short Story: Walking Away
Kathy’s Journal
Rage and Pain: Kathy Godfrey
Impossible Things: Pamela Michelle Hudspeth
Short Story: Bolt
Short Story: Sangre de Christo
Short Story: Shamrock
Short Story: Wild Horses
From the Writing Club of 1992: Two Short Stories
Short Story: Acme Road Bridge
March 1, 1987
Short Story: Ice
Short Story: Southbound 63
Freshman Diatribe
Short Story: The Road
Short Story: Agua Fria
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