“How come life gets so sh*tty sometimes? You just don’t know if you can hold on any longer. I just want to close the garage door in my car and have a nap.” -H
For every human there are approximately 1,000,000 ants.
Chances that an American cannot name a single right protected by the Bill of Rights: 1 in 3.
Rank of Catwoman among superheroes American boys under the age of 10 say they would most like to be: 1.
My intestines shall forever be known as my bioslurry management device.
10-06-2001 —> Doctor on Fox News accidentally says “smallcox.”
Meet the Hugh family!
We are a table of margarita kill-bots. Oooo! Somebody order a seaweed enchilada!
F*cking Eskimo restaurant! These plates are so cold!
She said she was scared enough to pee her pants at an elementary school haunted house. What was that about a box of noses?
Neuratic. Hugemungus. Huge mongoose.
“You’re cool. At least on paper.” -N
“A possible nuther anthrax threat.” -Fox News
The U. S. Army Penetration Weapons Research Center at Dickson Moorehead, North Dakota.
“I’ll tell him how the cow ate the cabbage!” -M
“You know that ride, Space Mountain, that everyone goes on just to say they’ve been on it? I feel like that ride.” -J
What about Dixie? Write about Dixie! (Secondary punch line: My Dixie Wrecked.)
Dixie wrote some crazy sh*t, but nothing crazier than her fourth suicide note:
“Dear stupid sons and daughters of bitches,” it started, and got worse from there. Eventually it rambled on for three pages, and she compared herself to Christ, “except that I didn’t have it coming like he did.”