As many of you know, Santa Claus has a wife, a red-headed spitfire named Jessica. In magic North Pole Land, she and Kris stay eternally young, only dressing up as jolly old elves one day of the year. Let me just say that Jessica is insanely hot.

(Sub-topic: My childhood is punctuated by crushes on cartoon and claymation characters. The one who captured my heart the hardest was Karen, the little girl with the big white earmuffs who escorts Frosty the Snowman to the North Pole – but that’s another entry.)