I am not one of those people who blithely stumble through life taking it all for granted and simultaneously thinking my dumb little life is the center of it all. I know you know these people; their stories crop up after some crisis shatters their dystopia. They had been “happy” in their lives until a spouse got cancer, or their teenager got a head injury on a motorcycle, or 9/11 happened (I know at least three people who hang their divorces on 9/11), and suddenly they are champions of a cause that didn’t concern them in the least before.

These are the people who bought flags on 9/12/01. Real patriots already had all the flags they needed.

So where am I going with this? My wife Abby was recently very seriously ill with pneumonia. I am NOT going to bore us all with a diatribe about living each day as if it were my last, because I don’t have to. I was already doing that. I won’t tell you all to have regular checkups. I won’t beg you to have a mammogram. And I won’t ask you to donate to anything. Why? Because if you weren’t already holding each day in your arms like it might be your last, you are an idiot.

Another category of idiots are people who have extra-marital affairs. Any adults with any brains at all have got to know that nothing, absolutely nothing, good can come of it. And imagine the mentality of the person who, when confronted with their guilt, claims, “It just happened.” What are you, a mollusk? Use your brain!

Recently someone close to me challenged my loyalty to my wife. It should have been obvious that I would have no choice but to be absolutely loyal to Abby. Not only is loyalty to my wife always at the front of every decision I make, but I also know with total certainty that she feels exactly the same way. Nothing, and no one, will come between us.