Embarrassed to masturbate in front of the cat

“I wonder how much semen you could wipe on a cat before it would be saturated.” -D

“Even if you have an eraser, you can’t un-write something.” -D

“‘Hip tattoos,’ the sign said. And I wondered, what if I want an arm tattoo?” -T

Free-range witches.

“I’ll name my first son Onus, and his sister Anus.” -T

List of possible baby names:

-USS Enterprise
-Madre de Dios
-Outta My Yahweh
-Don Quixote
-Bella Oxmix
-Tool of the Plutocracy
-Irimi Nagi
-Delicate Sound of Thunder
-God David
-Answer the Phone, Bitch!

“Oooky oooky oooky, I got lumps in my dookie…” -D