X is now taking himself too seriously for the 14000th straight day!
Regis Philbin <—> Philbis Region
“No one is online.” -Facebook
X is changing what “LOL” means. From now on, it’s “Living Our Lives.” Please adjust your usage.
X is also changing what “ROFL” means. From now on, it refers to “Really Ordinary Freaking Losers.” Don’t make me tell you twice.
I wonder if, after the first successful atomic bomb test in New Mexico, Robert Oppenheimer high-fived Enrico Fermi and said, “Fission accomplished!”
Maybe he leaned over close to Enrico and asked, “NOW who has the Fermi?”
80s joke: “What’s grosser than Olivia Newton John in Grease?” A: Come on Eileen.
X’s Facebook page is specially designed to magnify its luster and enhance its visual impact.
X had a completely straightforward dream last night about the toilet overflowing.
“He’s degreasing journalism.” -Misheard
“F•ck all a ya’ll motherf•ckers.” -Slogan
I am not Herbert. (For the record, I am Sherbert.)
Situation: unwittingly sleeping in dog vomit.
Heard on the police scanner: “Change the queen to an ocean.”
ABCDEFGHIJK elemental pee.
Tongue twister I wrote while driving home one night: Delicious celery sells swiftly.