Actual sign: jungle ice enter
What I read: uncle ice eater

Misheard: Two men were arrested after having their vaginas pierced.

Misheard: AT&T’s global douche farm.

Not technically misheard, but heard with a double take: Somebody turned over the ‘tater cart.

Not technically misheard, but still: Bethesda Naval Hospital. (Surprised they have hospitals just for your naval.)

Seal of approval? Why not the beaver of approval?

New drugs for erectile dysfunction: Pornalis and Boobagra.

M7 refers to Frozen Hippie Man as a “circulator of funk,” but while thinking about this, I thought, “funculator of circ.”

Tabloid Teasers (board game) answer, 1993: “Swami makes living by bottling and selling ‘Farts of the World’ international odor canisters.”

Q. What do you call a teddy bear with a stone is his mouth? A. A cotton rocksucker.

Randall had a porcupine named “Vagina.”

Justihiable famicide.

1993: Woke from a dream in which I was given a new comb, to which I responded, “A genuine army neck-nake!”