Over the past several months, I’ve made a point to ghost (meaning to erase the internet and communications footprint) certain people from my life.

Some of these people get ghosted because they live in an us-vs-them paradigm, especially politically. Other people I’ve ghosted were rude to me and my work. Still others are gone because of some connection they have to toxic people.

Some years ago, I ghosted someone I felt was a close friend after she stayed in my home for three days and got on my very last nerve. I ended up throwing her out during an ice storm, about which she remained furious for some years. It really validates the old saying that “fish and guests stink after three days.”

As the years went by, I experienced some remorse over the act, and I wanted to apologize, but talking to her on the phone recently reaffirmed that I was right to be done with her.

Okay, Richard, sure, but aren’t you as big an ass as anyone you’ve ghosted? Yes, of course I am.

The bottom line isn’t that the people I ghost are bad or that I get ghosted because I’m bad, but that the dance of daily intimacy is difficult. I know; I was married for more than 17 years, and my wife and I were a rare combination of magic and devotion that some couples can’t find. Why do we think divorce is so common?

I have been ghosted by people because they had religious conversions, or who learned of my beliefs and decided they couldn’t accept them. On more than one occasions, I was ghosted by someone who later claimed he or she couldn’t remember why they ghosted me.

I have been ghosted by people who got married and left all their friends behind. An example of one was when a friend and I started hanging together after he and his first wife ghosted me, then divorced. He tearfully swore to me that he would never do that again. Then he got married again, and ghosted me again.

I am in my 60s now and have ghosted more marginal, disloyal or toxic friends, and that may be common as we get older.

Finally, or course, is anyone who stumbles across this post and think it is about them. First of all, if you did ghost me, please just own it and get on. Secondly, maybe you need more mirrors in your life.