While at our doctor today for an unrelated ailment, he checked my cholesterol. To his surprise and my chagrin, despite a long-time vegetarian diet and an active lifestyle, it has climbed again, into the red zone. I’d like to think it is related to the stress of raising a teenager, but more realistically, it is simply the hand I was dealt as the son of the Almighty Cholesterol King, Joe Barron.

So our doctor decided to put me on the statin drug Simvastatin (trade name Zocor), and see how I respond. Side effects might include hairy knuckles, man boobs, wanting to watch daytime TV, and spitting on anyone wearing gabardine.