As I got dressed for work this morning, I noticed Sierra the Chihuahua whining and clawing at the China hutch. She whines and claws at stuff sometimes, so at first I ignored it. Then I noticed that the sound of the clawing didn’t match the movements she was making, and decided there must be something else making the sound. I got my new super flashlight, the one Abby got me for Christmas, and shined it behind the hutch to find a terrified mouse Sierra had cornered. This called for the official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle. I held the light along the axis of the barrel, SWAT style, shooed the dog away, and fired. One shot wasn’t enough, but three more dispatched the tiny invader. I felt bad that I had to kill it, but I can’t have mice in the house, as they bring the risk of disease, particularly to our curious animals. I pulled the limp carcass from behind the hutch and photographed it before tossing it in the trash can.

Add this to the two gophers I killed, one with a .22 and one with a machete, and you might think me quite the assassin.