Editor’s note: I read this at Open Mic Nyte recently, and I felt is deserved a wider audience. It was written by a long-time friend of mine in one of the notebooks we share.

Shopping List for My American Jee-Hodd

(In American, it’s pronounced “She Hot!”)

by M7/Virgil Woodpuff

• Wood putty
• Barbed wire
• 1984
• Blonde-haired American hookers
• TRS-80
• Five miles of coaxial cable
• Velvet pinwheel
• 1968 Chevy Camaro – CHERRY FUCKIN’ RED
• Two dozen goat-skin condoms
• Passed-over cheap Israeli combat boots
• Inflatable McDonald’s (makes its own sauce)
• Particle accelerator
• Song #2
• Arc of the Convenience Store
• Post-modern expletives
• Jesus fish bumper stickers
• Undefined threats
• Idol of the Meat God
• Blankets infected with lust for material posessions
• ULTIMATE WEAPON = AMERICAN TELEVISION