Lately the internet has been hocking wet loogies on my cupcake and telling me it’s frosting.

Most recently is the idea that every page … every page … had some kind of delayed pop-up, mostly intended to get me to sign up for updates. Usually there is no “No Thanks” button, just a tiny, hard-to-see “X” in the corner of the box.

The pages are mostly alike, too. Title, share buttons, long, lengthy, long YouTube video that restates what you are about to read, and a comments section in which nurds tell us what idiots we are.

Every time, the YouTube video takes 17 minutes to tell us 35 seconds worth of information.

This level of commercialized crap must be working or it would go away, so who is signing up for free updates at “How to Sit Down”?

No wonder you’re not getting my emails. You have 3400 unread emails from “The Best Way to Cut Up Cabbage.”

Even worse are the pages that claim they will teach you how to burp your baby. “Step one,” the article will say, but when you get to the end of the paragraph, it tells you to click to the second page, and so on.

Do these pages really need us to look at 400 ads for baby blankets? Can’t it just say, “Hold your baby on your shoulder, put gently on the back, wait for burp. You’re done.”?