Tinfoil Hat to Deflect CIA Control Rays

  1. Percentage of people at the Kent State Massacre who were actually CIA operatives or extraterrestrials: 95.
  2. Percentage of CIA operatives who are actually extraterrestrials: 95.
  3. Percentage of this morning’s stool sample that was actually CIA operatives, extraterrestrials, leather, or Quake III Arena railguns: 102.

Fun fact: It has been widely debunked that “tin foil” hats (which are actually made of aluminum) do not reflect or absorb mind control rays from United Nations transmission towers or New World Order satellites. Such mind control devices use neutron pulse technology, and thus can only be deflected by hats impregnated with boron.

(Human manure is one of the rare wastes that can contain more material than it actually does. In science, it is referred to as Superstring High Intensity Turds, or SH!T.)

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