Updated December 2018
“All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share.” ~Sally Brown, A Charlie Brown Christmas

When I was a kid, these were the joke lyrics…
“Joy to the world
The school burned down
And all the teachers too
They’re looking for the principal
He’s high up on the flag pole
With a rope around his neck
With a rope around his neck
With a rooooope, a rooooope, a-round his neck”
Alternate lyrics…
“Joy to the world
The teachers are dead
We barbecued their heads
And as for their bodies
We flushed them down the potties
And around and around they went
And around and around they went
And aroooouuund, a-round, a-round they went”
Also, my current favorite Christmas joke…
Three men were killed in a car wreck coming home from their company’s Christmas Eve Party and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
“In honor of this holy season” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on and said, “this represents a candle, the light of Christmas!”
“You may pass through the pearly gates” Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “These sound like the bells of Christmas morning!”
Saint Peter said “You may pass through the pearly gates.”
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally, remembering he’d been with a woman at the party, pulled out a pair of women’s underwear.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”
The man replied, “These are Carols.”
