Inscription on desk at classroom at Oklahoma University, c. 1981:

“Greeks are freaks – hippies are the only mainstream reality – conformism is the cosmic black hole of the c*nt of evil. You didn’t know Satan was female? She lives in a sorority house.”

I once had a dream that my dog was inside out.

Stick-on labels for grocery store mayhem…

-Now Semen Free
-Guaranteed 99% urine free!
-Now with 1/3 more peyote!
-Enjoy more codeine today!
-Makes you poop.
-Now agony free.
-Low in broken glass
-A good source of beetles
-Put me down, bitch!

Ode to My Pie by DM

Oh, my sweet potato pie
Formed from a New World treat
Mexico begat you – Indians stare at you
We eat you with no pretense of being shy

“Hello. I just wanted to tell you that life is a tragic and horrible struggle that is made harder by the fact that as a race, we are all tragically flawed. See you this weekend. Bye.” -Message from D on R’s answering machine, 1992.

“Meat loaf. Pot roast. Yankee pot roast. English pot roast. Cheeseburger. T-bone steak cut from the side of a cow. Round steak. Rib eye. Fillet mignon. Fried crab. Oysters on the half shell. Pork ribs. Barbecued beef ribs, dripping, glistening with barbecue sauce. McD’s Big Macs. Oooo, I have a deep voice! Hamburger meat, nice and lean and frying in a pan forever and ever. Pork chops. Chicken, broiled, baked, fried. Chicken noodle soup. Beefy vegetable soup…uh… (beep.)” -Message from P on R’s answering machine, 1992.

“Ben waaaaah! Ben waaaaah! Ben waaaaah! Ben waaaaah!” Message on R’s answering machine from D, 1996