The Toric Assmasters of Triskelion Welcome You! (Here is your dunce cap, accordion, and bonus DVD of bloopers from Unsolved Mysteries.)

Methane Sutra
by Buttmaster Gilda

Hiss away
you have reached no annulus
FLAP
an applause for our celestial meanderings
RIP
tear the universe a new one
Blow hole through sheet rock
status of saint
Booming fart afterdeath
Jesus f*cking kreist

LEFT-HANDED VIBRATOR
with special LEFT-HANDED LUBE

“The smooth, tight sliding action of the door; beautiful secret hidden cargo inside.” -R, re: pepper box

According to the LAW of BUDDHA, one should abstain from alcohol and drugs. One should instead become addicted to peace and extinction.

The Xtian would have us become addicted to Christ.

The Jew would have us become addicted to history.

The Zoroastrian would have is become addicted to flame.

The Dionysian would have is become addicted to pleasure.

The scientist would have us become addicted to truth.

I would have you become become addicted to obscure leisure activities, bizarre poetry, mnemonic secretions, and garlic.

In any case, the human condition is one of constant addiction. In order to stamp out the “bad” addiction, we replace it with and acceptable one. “You are free to do as you are told.” Addiction is with every creature. It only is harmful in the situation of plenty. We get a bigger taste, then assume that the sh*t will never run out. “The algebra of need” dictates that nobody will ever have enough of what they crave.

There is no answer. We are f*cked. Might as well GO+CHARGE = GORGE!  (Thank you KS. Also see “We shall come all over.”) -D

Some of the Dumbass (thank you Kerouac – also see “My Ass Hurts”)

Penile meanderings
Slap the cylinder into place
Botthisattva got nothin’
on me
I eat skinny little wimps like
him every day and use their
skivvies for napkins
Then I spooge in their girlfriend’s hair.

Hey, I was walking down the
street the other day when
some bitch made me a turnkey pot pie!
F*ck the Fonz!
Cool is the end of my dick!
I got into the dumbass cause
I thot it might get me laid.
Now, TOFU ROSHI ON MY ASS all the time.
I bitch-slap him and he grins.
I tell him I’ll cut him and
he hugs me, faggot.
Maybe I can get Tammy give me
head tonight.
my balls is full.  (-M7)