When soldiers come to take you and your family away for reprogramming to serve in their underground sugar caves, I will sneak into your house late at night and eat all of your chocolate chips. Oh, and I will take everything you have ever written to our secret press, Limp Member Publications, and print it…
Continue reading →See, I made you look. “Oh, no, not another one of those ‘meaning of life’ blog entries.” I was cruising around WordPress.com the other day, which features a feed on the front page of all the recent entries made by WordPress bloggers. I was hoping to find something interesting, to dispel my growing belief that…
Continue reading →In tenth grade I had an English teacher named Gil Hernandez, who many of my long-time readers might recognize as the teacher who got me started writing in my journal. Hernandez was big into the transcendental meditation scene in that era, the late 1970s, and the yearbook staff wrote two stories about him and meditation….
Continue reading →Just because I look ridiculous doesn’t mean I am ridiculous. When I die I think I will discover this was all just a really funny joke. Note from notebook from long trip: B B pool boner. I assume this refers to Billy Bell in our pool in tenth grade, telling me he had a boner….
Continue reading →When I started tenth grade, a brilliant English teacher named Gil Hernandez assigned us to write a journal for his class. I always thought it was cool that in his grade book next to my journal grade he wrote “best.” As many of my readers know, my blogs have become an extension of that journal….
Continue reading →One of the things my sister Nicole and I looked forward to the most as we were growing up was the trip we made two or three times a year to Independence, Missouri, to visit our Barron grandparents, Russell and Aileen. Russell died in 1987 at the age of 89, and Aileen died in 1997…
Continue reading →“We shall come all over.” -Creedo of Cool Left-Wing Juggling Nihilist for Social Revolution, my 1986-88 girlfriend’s college club. “I’d rather pop a boner in a nursing home.” Hey, Hitler! Nobody likes you! My approval rating skyrocketed after I said some nice things about an event elsewhere in the world. “Talking to yourself is only…
Continue reading →Q: How many vegetarians does it take to shingle a roof? A: 16 if you slice them thin enough. “I swear to cow!” -Facebook friend, quoting The Big Bang Theory X dreamed that if he didn’t photograph the bedroom in narrow, alternating lines, he would get diabetes. Is a potato that grows in Carlsbad Caverns…
Continue reading →X is now taking himself too seriously for the 14000th straight day! Regis Philbin <—> Philbis Region “No one is online.” -Facebook X is changing what “LOL” means. From now on, it’s “Living Our Lives.” Please adjust your usage. X is also changing what “ROFL” means. From now on, it refers to “Really Ordinary Freaking…
Continue reading →In thinking about the destination of the Universe and the growing body of evidence that shows we are ever trudging toward The Big Freeze, it becomes inescapable that everything, every single thing that you and I are and know, everything that we do, everything that we see, every monument we erect and poem we compose,…
Continue reading →From the Blakk Bük… Nothing arouses me or inspires me more than super-slow-motion footage of a laser-guided Maverick missile slamming into the side of a T-72 tank at four times the speed of sound. I like the way granola started out as health food and gradually degenerated into candy. Nothing is more beautiful than the…
Continue reading →For many years in the 1990s and early 2000s, I flew a lot. Airplanes in my neck of the woods were cheap, my rent was low, and it was easy and convenient. A lot of people flew with me over the years, including my mother. (My sister says that the day I took mom flying…
Continue reading →Notes, 1983 Somewhere in the distance, so far and separate that it shouldn’t matter, the horn of a freight train sounds as it crosses slowly through the city. They go slower now to avoid limbs and things. …and on nights like tonight, it’s nice to walk. Still, there can’t be a way to replace the…
Continue reading →Dateline 1977: In those dark days of junior high school, one day I was at my locker in the eighth grade hall. Two lockers down was Jena Owrey’s locker. Jena was beautiful and popular, but unlike a lot of the “proud crowd” (as they were known at my school and in my day), she was…
Continue reading →My family and I were Episcopalians when I was young. For much of that time we attended an Episcopal mission in Lawton, Oklahoma called Saint Margaret’s. It was built in the southwestern mission style, and looked just like a Taco Bell. As part of my parent’s plans and hopes for me to be a good…
Continue reading →Like a lot of my generation, I watched a lot of Star Trek: The Original Series when I was a kid, first when it originally aired in the late 1960s (when I was five and six years old), and later in reruns during the 1970s. My friends and I “played” Trek a lot, and for…
Continue reading →Abby and I have returned from Tulsa, where we covered the 2010 Miss Oklahoma Scholarship Pageant at the invitation of our friend, Miss Oklahoma 2009/Miss Ada 2006 Taylor Treat. The Ada area had two young ladies in the running, Miss Southeastern Oklahoma Katy Caudle and Miss Ada Jamie Drawbaugh. Neither made the top 15 (the…
Continue reading →Abby’s family gathered for her father Hershel Shoffner’s passing this weekend. As you might remember from reading about her family’s reunions, there are a lot of family, and they are close. Hershel’s funeral at the Ryan, Oklahoma, Methodist Church was packed. There were musicians who played piano and fiddle, since Hershel was a fiddler. Hershel…
Continue reading →Here are some important discoveries my friends and I made when we were younger, probably because we were among the few teens we knew who didn’t drink. In the present climate, however, I would not recommend any of these activities, some of which might be regarded as threats to national security. If you hang out…
Continue reading →“I don’t know where it is, but there’s a lot of juice in there.” -D, about T I don’t mean to be nosey, but I was going through your things and… “Suck until there’s nothing left but a clear, dried-out husk.” -D “Does my head stink?” -T “Yes, but not a human stink.” -R It…
Continue reading →Hot, wet and stinky A protein-laden delight Bushes Best Baked Beans -D A Brief Biographical Sketch of the Fictional Tammy Harjo: -Cotton candy hair, soft yet brittle. -High school was “the greatest”. -Owns two jackets with leather fringe. -Favorite drinks are Crown and Coke, Seagrams wine coolers, and Silver Bullet. -Really wants a Jeep, but…
Continue reading →This item has been redacted, for her pleasure. The ornate brown and gold book has slicker pages than other notebooks I own, so the ink flowed more swiftly. Occasionally it would fly off the pages, and go places I regretted. Is today that day I forgive the world? Create an image with words instead of…
Continue reading →Here are some profound excerpts from the ornate brown and gold notebook. The first words in this book are, “A black paradise.” I know I am in love when she and I stare into the sky. Specious conclusion: that you deserve a second chance just because you screwed up the first one. I was wrong…
Continue reading →Before blogging, there was journaling. It was fun, but only one person at a time could share it. The advantage was that it could be more intimate. The disadvantage was that it would sit in the dark. Here, then, are some choice excerpts from something dark. Possible subtitle: dripping with cynicism. If you ask for…
Continue reading →In high school and college, I used to have three friends who were the sons of very wealthy families. They were all incredibly arrogant, and all shared a common feeling that they should be, or were, above the law. They all routinely used their fathers’ money to purchase expensive radar detectors, buy their way out…
Continue reading →True Story: in the winter of 2001, a woman I know named “Barbie,” good-looking and successful, is found in the trunk of her car one morning with her eyes and mouth taped and a cord wrapped around her neck. Two weeks earlier she had shown police and coworkers a doll in the same condition that…
Continue reading →This afternoon as I drove to a photo assignment, I had my stereo turned up with a Third Eye Blind CD in it. The song “Misfits” played and I remembered that tonight Abby and I were having Wil and Marline Fry down from Seminole for dinner at our favorite restaurant, Papa Gjorgio’s. They are moving…
Continue reading →Wow! It makes a really cool noise when I whack this notebook on my steering wheel! Myiasis = infestation with maggots. “Government pork is lower than dog vomit.” -D “Am I sharp and pointy and heavy?” -R “My modus operandi is nothing but a diarrhea-ic thought process.” -D Boulevaardvark. If you don’t try to drag…
Continue reading →Sporadically Interwoven by Miminus Infectant Occasionally He had felt deluded and cheated by misplaced guilt, but lately he felt better, he felt like he could stand up and say that he was a worthy person – that he deserved the good things that a life in this modern country could offer a moderately talented man…
Continue reading →Nicole and I were somewhat inadvertently ahead of our time as children. In our daily play, one thing we did was gather on her bedroom floor with all her Barbie crap and all my G. I. Joe crap and make a big compound of houses, dolls, pillows and such. Since it was a trip to…
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