A very good friend of mine at my office was fired yesterday, and in his swirling miasma of rage and hurt, he lashed out at me, in the form of a nasty voicemail on my cell phone. In the middle of listening to it, he dropped the F bomb, and I deleted it at that…
Continue reading →Abby and Dorothy (our defacto Mother-in-law) are in Baltimore this week with Abby’s daughter Chele, who in Baltimore is known by her actual first name of Dawna. (Pay attention now – this will be on the test.) While they are gone, I am increasing my chore slate by about five fold, since I can tear…
Continue reading →For reasons that are not at all clear to me, I was singing Isaac Hayes’ brilliant Theme from Shaft as I was preparing lunch in my kitchen just now. I was belting it out… “Who’s the black private dick who’s a sex machine to all the chicks? (Shaft!) You’re damn right.” “Who is the man…
Continue reading →When R.E. and I were in college, he and I drove to Oklahoma City so I could buy cheap tires for my 1973 VW Beetle. While we waited, we walked up the snowy street to grab a bite, and on the walk back, Robert photographed a rusty spring sitting in the snow. The next day…
Continue reading →Someone came into my office today to get away from the spitstorm into which an office environment can devolve. My office, which was once the darkroom at my newspaper, is mine alone, and if I want, I can close three steel fire doors between me and the newsroom. He came in and looked at all…
Continue reading →This project got pushed back a couple of weeks by miserable weather or job conflicts, but today I finally got to town in the truck and bought fruit trees! I got two Early Elberta peaches and two regular Elberta peaches, two dwarf Santa Rosa plums, two Early Golden apricots, two Bing cherries (I had to,…
Continue reading →In my head and in my iTunes I am composing a new playlist, one I hope will end up being a successful road CD. I have to admit, as much as I loved making tapes when I was 28, it has become exponentially harder to make a really good road CD. If I may quote…
Continue reading →Abby worked late, and has been asleep since I got home from working basketball. She looks really pretty asleep in her recliner, covered by a lap full of Chihuahuas. I read on Wil Fry’s blog the phrase “just another random blog,” and I felt that I wanted to reiterate that “blog” isn’t a word at…
Continue reading →I got all frisky with the chores today. My first task was taking the power strips that were on the floor behind my computer desk and mounting them on the back of the desk itself. It sounded like a pretty straightforward chore, but it can-of-wormed on me pretty quickly. I decided, for example, that while…
Continue reading →For those of you who thought my burritos looked like someone had just thrown up on them, here is a lunch that does not mimic the appearance of yak, blown chow, puke, bark, hack, chuck, ralph, hurl, gut squirt, bleck, pavement pizza, spew, sack flak, chum, meal plop, blevis, gack, gurf, shaq-fu, or other types…
Continue reading →Years ago one of our friends had tennis elbow, which in medical terms is called lateral epicondylitis. His doctor gave him an injection of cortisone, a long-acting glucocorticoid. Afterwards, he urgently and repeatedly told me, “Richard, don’t ever let them to that to you.” He said it was very painful and didn’t do any good….
Continue reading →I swear to you, I am not making this up. When my sister and I were teenagers, about 1978, we lived in Lawton, Oklahoma. She and I kept a notebook, which we just called “The Book,” full of all the funny stuff we thought up, all the gossip we heard, all the complaints we had…
Continue reading →Here are a couple of photos from my days as an aviator. The reason I don’t fly any more, and many of my pilot buddies don’t fly any more, is that it has gotten much too expensive. Part of that is the panicky idiot mentality of Americans after 9/11, which was incorrectly laid at the…
Continue reading →I’ve seen my share of dead bodies in my 26 years shooting news, and today was another one of those occasions. This accident happened today a few miles south of Ada, not far from where Abby works. A teenage driver, going too fast, passed a large truck, colliding head-on with a full-size pickup. The driver…
Continue reading →Forget round pizza! It’s squizza, the square pizza! I make this with soy cheese and either soy sausage or soy crumbles. Both taste a little like meat. Also in the topping is green peppers and onions over a marinara (I think it tastes better than plain tomato sauce), topped with soy mozzarella. Also this: A…
Continue reading →At about 8:30 tonight, there was a close lightning strike, and we were plunged into darkness. For a few seconds. We Barrons are a little weird about flashlights – we collect them like some people collect stamps or coins. In spite of the nearly-instant re-lighting of our lives, the computers shut off, as did the…
Continue reading →Yesterday my doctor told me what I already knew: my blood pressure is too high. Technically, I have stage 1 hypertension, which is high, but not scary high. He started me on Diovan, a popular and effective medication that has few side effects. He also took blood and did a finger stick to check my…
Continue reading →As I got dressed for work this morning, I noticed Sierra the Chihuahua whining and clawing at the China hutch. She whines and claws at stuff sometimes, so at first I ignored it. Then I noticed that the sound of the clawing didn’t match the movements she was making, and decided there must be something…
Continue reading →This happens a lot: we spend a few days at Christmas in Florida, and lose all concept of what the outside world might be like. (This happens to me when I am hiking in the desert, too.) Yesterday we were picking oranges in Palm Coast, and today I woke up to see this outside our…
Continue reading →Now that winter is here, it’s wildfire season again. The last two winters were under burn bans due to dry weather in the months prior, but it has since been lifted. It is dry and windy again today, despite a nice rainy spell last week. A few minutes ago I heard a call on the…
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Updated December 2018 “All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share.” ~Sally Brown, A Charlie Brown Christmas When I was a kid, these were the joke lyrics… “Joy to the world The school burned down And all the teachers too They’re looking for the principal He’s…
Continue reading →As many of you know, Santa Claus has a wife, a red-headed spitfire named Jessica. In magic North Pole Land, she and Kris stay eternally young, only dressing up as jolly old elves one day of the year. Let me just say that Jessica is insanely hot. (Sub-topic: My childhood is punctuated by crushes on…
Continue reading →The process of culling the garden and throwing it to my ruminants continues. I find the experience a little sad as I stand in the chill air, remembering the huge harvests; the bushy green tomato vines that smelled so good, the giant stands of bright marigolds, the crisp bell peppers that turned orange and red…
Continue reading →Pray and fast Fetal/fecal/fatal position Elvis movie marathon Wish I were still in college/high school/junior high/grade school/kindergarten/womb Get head stuck in honey pot Act like I give a crap I’d rather have a pre-frontal lobotomy than a free bottle in front of me See the writing on the (bathroom) wall Listen to Duran Duran until…
Continue reading →After a long, great growing season which saw my garden simply explode with produce, a freeze finally came, and as always, the garden is dormant for the year. It’s at this point that I pull up all the brown tomato and pepper plants, and whatever else is left, and throw them to the goats, who…
Continue reading →Okay, let’s play “What Would God Do?” Make Eskimo Pie Frogs frogs frogs Daytime TV Elephantiasis of the nuts President Bushton Karl eating ribs “This is not meat loaf! It is kabab!” Seven year coma for guy who loved “Family Ties” but missed every episode Unexplained emergency dookie Strip down to bra and panties for…
Continue reading →Good news! We are not like our fathers. The biology is obvious: take good genes, subtract cigarettes, alcohol and baloney salad. Add the internet, clear soda and “Family Ties.” Subtract Korea and Viet Nam. Add brown rice and three months experimenting with weed. Subtract Gulf War Syndrome. Add motor skills and a national championship. Subtract…
Continue reading →Percentage of people at the Kent State Massacre who were actually CIA operatives or extraterrestrials: 95. Percentage of CIA operatives who are actually extraterrestrials: 95. Percentage of this morning’s stool sample that was actually CIA operatives, extraterrestrials, leather, or Quake III Arena railguns: 102. Fun fact: It has been widely debunked that “tin foil” hats…
Continue reading →Tonight while I was power washing the front of the house, I saw this little guy poking his head out of a small hole in the siding. I think the hole was from one time when I was trimming the photinia and almost fell off my ladder into the bush. Anyway, I called my family…
Continue reading →My wife drove through KFC the other day on her way home from work. She just wanted a piece of chicken, a little bowl of mashed potatoes, and a small drink, which she ordered. When she got to the window, the clerk handed her a bucket of chicken, a tub of mashed potatoes, and a…
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