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Hershel Shoffner, 1923-2010

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I’m Not a Collector, but I Have Collections
Poetry on Lost Street, May 2026
Open Mic Night, April 2026
Poetry on Lost Street, April 2026
Numbers Stations
Open Mic Night, April 2026
My Life in Two-Way Radio
It Isn’t Necessary to Call Me “Friend”
Open Mic Night, March 2026
More Ideas about the Great Tree Misadventure
Open Mic Night, February 2026
The Wrong Stuff: A Controversial Opinion
Tree Trimming: a Cautionary Tale
Poetry on Lost Street, January 2026
Stop “Doomscrolling!”
Open Mic Night, January 2026
Snap and Chat, or Grip and Grin
The Post-Modern Prometheus
Open Mic Night, November 2025
Praying to the Thanksgiving Duck
Ashes to Dust
Open Mic Night, October 2025
Poetry on Lost Street, September 2025
Open Mic Night, September 2025
Poetry on Lost Street, August 2025
Open Mic Night, August 2025
The “Classification Speech”
Open Mic Night, July 2025
Saying Goodbye to the Mighty Wolfhound
Ghosting: Deserve’s Got Nothing to Do with It
Open Mic Night, June 2025
Open Mic Night, May 2025
Maps and More Maps
Open Mic Night, April 2025
Journey of Hope
The First Draft of History
Open Mic Night, March 2025
Critical Thinking and Our Duty to the Truth
Behind, and in Front of, the Mask
Open Mic Night, February 2025
Open Mic Night, January 2025
The Room
Why Smart People Believe Stupid Things
The Pen
Unhappy People Setting Me Straight
My Favorite Alan Parsons Project Songs
A Couple of Rediscovered Photos of Abby
The Weight of the World in Her Hands
Sticking the Landings
Journal, April-May, 1994
August 21, 1990, in My Journal
The Third Year of Grieving
Task and Purpose
Today is the Day
A Birthday in the Air
The Weird Fates of Some of Those Airplanes
One of These Days
Words of Wisdom, July 31, 2024
A Day of Planes
Out the Door, Off the Rails
The Year of Service That Never Ends
Memories of Dusty Failure
The Perfect Drug
A Single Wish
The No-Fly Zone
Maybe Some of Us Shouldn’t Fly
A Day of Chaos and Mystery
Eclipse Postscript
The Season of Hollow Soul
Movie Reviews: Airport, Airport 1975, Airport ’77, The Concorde… Airport ’79, and Airplane!
Movie Review: Solaris (2002), My First Netflix Movie
The Early Days in the Air
Ellen in Grey at The Red Cup
Words of Wisdom, January 12, 2024
Some Sci-Fi Gripes
Gallery: Open Mic Nights 2024
Things You See When You Fly
That Little Souvenir
The Abyss Gazes Also into You
Life on the Patch
Best Pictures I Have Seen and Liked or Disliked
My Vision for Ada Sunrise Rotary
The Journal Continues
The Second Year of Grieving
Mission Accomplished!
These Aren’t My Memories
Summer Time Is Fine in the Summer Time
Slow Motion Clean-Up
The Hard Work After the Storm
The Spider Paradox
How Many Life Lessons by 60?
All About Rotary
Our DNA in the Dust
Like a Dockside Bully
Words of Wisdom, April-May 2023
Please tend my marigolds
Bookstore Days
The Persistence of Memory
Sleep Well, Dauphine
Movie Review: Purple Rain
Back in the Left Seat
Natural Born Tillers
Words of Wisdom, March 2023
Till, We Meet Again, or Tine After Tine
Words of Wisdom, Feb. 17, 2023
Limb Day
Words of Wisdom, Feb. 10, 2023
Wind in Dry Grass
Words of Wisdom, January 27, 2023
Words of Wisdom
Our First Date; Better than We Expected
A Dog Emergency
Thoughts about Top Gun: Maverick
Movie Prop Mistakes
Get Well Soon
Why Would This Be Fun?
Thanksgiving 2022
The Nature of Irrational Fears
Words of Wisdom, November 11, 2022
Words of Wisdom, November 3, 2022
Keyword: Vulnerability
I Don’t Need Surgery
Words of Wisdom, Sept. 23, 2022
Green Day
Keyword: Inclusion
Words of Wisdom, August 25, 2022
Words of Wisdom, August 5, 2022
Returned to the Fold
A Visit from a Red-Headed Stranger
Bringing Dead Tech Back to Life
Words of Wisdom, July 15, 2022
The Natural Order of Things
The Cultural Poison of 1970s Television
Words of Wisdom, July 4, 2022
Surgery Virgin
Vacuuming a Vacuum
Self-Picking Plums
We Just Loved It
The Chaos of Personal Bureaucracy
“Dear Abby”
Words of Wisdom, May 20, 2022
The Potential
Words of Wisdom, April 22, 2022
Nap Dream, April 21, 2022
Some Songs and Lyrics On My Mind
A Piece of Good News
Two Chances of a Lifetime
Paying through the Nose
The Gunsmith’s Daughter
Why I Don’t Want to Be “That Guy”
The Next Step: Hospice Care
The Comfort of Chatter
The Ring of Truth
Living Alone
Easy Little Things
A COVID-19 Journal
The Arches Connundrum
Most Highly Recommended: The Vietnam War
Song Review: Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in My Hand
A Tuna Steak Experiment
Christmas Eve Range Time
Once a Creep, Always a Creep
Song Review: Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden
2020’s Most Relevant Movie: 2011’s Contagion
Testing, One, Two…
The Utopian
Good Songs Become Bad Songs Become Good Songs
Song Review: Moon Over Bourbon Street by Sting
Really Missing Her
Band of Brothers and The Pacific
Imagining the Future: The Andromeda Strain
Midway vs Midway
Song Review: Big Empty by Stone Temple Pilots
Song Review: Mofo by U2
Interesting Times
Song Review: Shades by Iggy Pop
Reviews: Carnage Visors and Scentless Apprentice
The Comfort of Family
Euphoria
Why, Internet, Why?
National Pickle Day
A New Home
Another Non-Report on Abby
An Updated Update on Abby
Another Report on Abby
Chapter Ideas / Titles (from the blue spiral notebook)
A Different Kind of Intimacy
Protected: Ellen in Grey: show up and listen
Unbelief Leads to Eternal Damnation
Take Care of Yourself
Thoughts about Dan Fogelberg
Review: The Journals of Kurt Cobain
How to Do Your Own Research
The Social Dilemma
A Work in Progress
Blue 56
The Golden Age of the Internet
Two Decades Since 9/11
The August That Lost Us
Another Reason to Vaccinate
Report on Abby
“Oink!”
We Were Lines on a Map
Goodbye Mac, Hello Mackenzee Ellen
Some Fun Travel Notes and Observations
More Green, More Grey
A High School Graduate
Internal Memo
The Patch in May
Picking Up Some Slack
The Eyes of Age
Yes, She’s Better
“Everything Richard Eats is Healthy”
Miracle on Main Street, or The Mystery of Lake Milligan
Early Girls and Big Boys
Nature Fighting Back
First Day of Spring
Tyler the Tiller
Home, Well, and Back to Work
I’ve Been Vaxed!
My Turn to Wait
That Dark Winter
In the Midst of the Rona, I Got My Shingles Vaccination
A Legacy of Dignity
Short Story: Breakfast
The Times We Have Made
The Journal Unplugged, or, uh, Replugged
Poem: Ash Wednesday
Diet Notes
Hate It to Death
Open Mic Nyte Revisited
Your Hatred of Science
My Name at the Top, or “Amazing and So Real!”
Autumn 2020
Esoteric Verse
Scanning in 2020
Sunny Sixteen
A Good Rainy Day Project
The Fragile
“Men are so insecure”
Her Quiet
Know What? Chicken Butt?
Don’t Change for the Better
The Delicate Arch Paradox
Just to Break the Tension
Another Flat Tire Sob Story
The Story of the Mask
Life and Death in the Night
The Masked Man
A Narrative about Rights
Bell Peppered
Lost in New Mexico
Is it time to panic yet?
Bring Balance to the Force
Cold Night
Tomatoes to the Rescue
My Black Lives Matter Rally Experience
Thinking About What We Have
What Did I Want to Be? What About You?
Who Am I: The Idea of Identity
Considering the Facts
Openings and Closings
Silently Out Loud
Compartmentalization and Integration
The Jellybean Analogy
In the Ground
Real Shortages
Did I Already Have The Rona?
Are We Still Here?
An Entertainment Crisis?
Coughing My Fool Head Off
Consider Pen and Paper
Potatoes for Abby
Then, Springtime
The Self in a Time of Crisis
The Rabid Badger in the Room
Now More Than Ever
What Are You Writing?
Legacy Strategies
Opportunity of a Lifetime
Calm in the Storm
The Coronavirus Disease and You
Better and Best
What Sickness This?
Reverse Blogging
An Honor
“What’s She Like?”
Finally Full
Dance of Star Stuff
Home
Our Duty to the Truth
2020: The Year of Perfect Vision
Some Monday Fun
The Other Other 1%
Disappearing Act
Limb-Lopping and Knee-Kronking
Did I Go Dark?
Adding Three Minutes to My Commute
Home from the Winding Road
I Feel Like a Lumberjack
Freezes, Thaws, and Sweaters
The Case for Blogging
Where Were We 15 Years Ago?
Shoffner Reunion 2019
Washing in Dirt
So Much Very Many
Welcome Back Open Mic, If Only Once
How Washable is Your Dog?
Into the Void of Misunderstanding: The Journals of Kurt Cobain
Red Hot Poker of Death
Smells Like Teen Suicide
Protected: Nicole’s Kyle Story
Finally Losing My Mind
Underwhelmed by the Impossible Whopper
When in a Pickle
The Real Reason
Making Friends with Our Intern
I, Too, Bought the Baofeng
My Summer of the Peach is Over
T-shirt Bonanza
Goodbye Open Mic Nyte; What’s Next?
Dream Job
Can You Be a Patriot without God?
The First Day of Summer
A Beautiful Little Life
Ruminations on The Convention
Unwitnessed Suffering
Why Rebranding?
I’ve Never Had Peaches Like This
Sure. A Sneeze.
Some Seasons…
Boeing’s Mistake
Insane Weather That Wasn’t, Dressing Up, Nerdman’s Pride and More!
Goodbye Max
The Intimacy of Pillow Talk
A Sick Day, and the Long-Awaited Eyesore
Who Line Is It Anyway?
Today’s Little Happy News
What to Do, What to Do…
Manifest of Mary’s 24th Century Weaponry
Shopping List for American Jee-Hodd
At Right Angles
A Strange Labor of Love
Pounds, Inches and Sizes
The Formula for Sanitation of Suburban Emotionalists
Digging in the Dirt
Quoting Myself
“You Got a Haircut!”
The Plant-Based Diet Continues to Succeed
Μμ
All at Once, I’m Outside
The Weeks We Remember
Nowhere, Oklahoma
O Wolfhound, Where Art Thou?
“Constitutional Carry” in Oklahoma
Insecurities of Maturity, or Preaching to the Tone-Deaf Choir
Missing My CDs
Chaos in the Hedgerow and Other Incomplete Thoughts
Ghostly in the Smoke
Childhood Memory: Soft-Boiled Egg on Toast
A Short Story Every Month?
Short Story: The Crying Girl
Quoting Myself…
Belief Paradox
Why Teladoc Sucks
Stop It!
After Christmas
This Is Christmas Eve
Litter from Social Media
Sessions
Sore Arms and Unfriending Jerks
Hawken’s Man Cave, and a Happy Place
A Dark Result
A Little Life Left in You Yet
1988
Global Wetting Is Real
The Next 14 Years
Summer Is Over; Now Is the Autumn of Our Discontent
A Plant-Based Diet
An Unsettling Incident
The Winter of Odessa; My Journal Turns Forty
Oklahoma Grass Burrs, Sunsets, and Fires
Bigots for the Left
The Hazy, Late-Summer Sun
Runaways and Heat Waves
Staycation Moments and Ideas
Anatomy of a Breakdown
Natural Foods and Another Lottery Win
Wild and Wooly Photography
A Bright Spot in a Dark Week
Three Fires and a Cornhole Tournament
The Missing Piece of 9/11
Oblique Strategies
Two Days Before Summer
Why Does This Guy Always Blog When He Builds a Fire?
The Sentence Every Day Project
“Proof of God”… Really?
No-Screen Summer?
Losing a Space
It’s a Jungle Out There
What Smells Good to You?
Growing My Hair, Shrinking My Workspace
Taking a Big Bite of Green
Other People’s Kids
Meep Meep
Death Nozzle
What a Weird Winter Will Wield
The Human Condition and Creativity
Summer Sweaters and Spring Frosts
Just When You Thought…
Fires, Freezes, Big Dogs and Tiny Dogs
Muhtato, Muhtahto
Introducing: Summer Time Lane
The Cold, Cold Ground
I’ve Been Cavitroned!
Yes, but Why “People”?
What Would a Celebrity Do?
Ow! My Till Muscles!
Cautionary Tales
Sierra Has Died
Thinning Out
The Media and Mass Shootings
That Plaid Woman
Funny in 1979
Mass Shootings in the World We Have Made
Nights in White Satin and Grey Flannel
Personal Photo Space
A Soft, Melty Winter Wonderland
Snorfles in the House of Schmeer
The Luxurious Blue Notebook, Part 2
Bean Meaning
A Population Under Stress
Ruminations More…
Trouble A-brewin’
Married Too Long?
Hawken Has a Hygroma, and We Won the Lottery Again, Twice!
Throatatiasis
Nameless: Into the Void
Our Everyday Adventure
Tri-X and Be There
Something Has Happened to Our Marriage
2017: The Year in Review for the Giant Muh
A Dogworthy Christmas Visit
“What Did He Do Now?”
There’s Always Next Year
Traditional Christmas Rip-Off
Our Boneless Holiday
Beauty of the Fire
To Hell with the Constitution, Not Me Too, and No, I’m Not Sorry
Dude, Take a Breath
Another Proud Dog Moment
The Tin Goose
Harmony and Hope in the Country
Why Vaccinate?
Sizing Up the All-American Dog
Worky Thirteen
Understanding, and Misunderstanding, Evil
Open Mic Nyte
“Better Than Doughnuts”
Battle of the Blades
Last Days of Summer
25 Years
Today I Am a Gearhead. And Maybe Tomorrow.
Rat Drowning Day
I Won the Lottery
Updated: Feeling Losses
A Big Dog and a Bigger Hurricane
What to Stop Doing on Facebook
August Rain
Mowin’ the Sticker Patch
Summer Slowdown and Stupid Questions
More Fun Facts…
Worms on a Stick at the Fungus Farm
Extra Large but Not Wide
“The Bloodbath”
July Rain
Rainy Days and Sundays
A Deep Breakfast of Pure Sunlight
Our 95-Pound Weakling
Self-Esteem and the Real Value of Life
Paws Pause, or Faux Paw
The Next Big Thing
Oklahoma
“You Don’t Ever Change”
Goodbye Kokopelli, Sort Of
A Doodledog Update
A Plague of Frogs and Other Items of Interest
What the What?
Phones and Dog Teeth
Dogling Rivalry and a Dad Breakfast
The Weather Season Again
Glad I Was Carrying
Teaching a New Dog Old Tricks
Cold and Quiet Moments
Defeats, Victories, and Friendships
A Brand New Puppy!
Vilifying the Staff of Life
This Reclusive Silence
The Immaculate Perception
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Throw-Away Society!
HTX-202 Button Battery Replacement Time Again
Full Stop
The Crud: Another Antibiotic Observation
2016: The Year in Review for the Giant Muh
Christmas in Dinertown
Zeros and Ones
Hard Work and Energy
The Letter S
The Present, The Past, and Missing Our Octobers
Another Fun Fact
richardbarron.net v 3.14159265359…
Super Saw, Boxmageddon, and a Bootie Crisis
It Wasn’t My Fault
Plums Crazy; Can You Blame Them?
Coffee on the Porch
EnDui Special Circumstance
Insert Better Title Here for Observational Douchery
Red State Remorse
Garagescaping and the Moody Generator
Off the Road Again
Full of Holes
Forever
I Will Follow
My Skills and Doing Things Right
Critique of Longmire (and the Police Procedural)
A Heavily Wooded Area, or Deck the Yard
Here Comes the Sun
Exercise in Futility
A Little Shy
The Power of Deconstruction
A Midsummer Day’s Dream
A Real Eye Opener
Notes from the Bench
Left for Dead
Falling in Love
Collected Rants / Rage Against the Machine
Another Fun Fact
Staycation Days
Alpine Self Defense
Power to the Pig People!
Tapes, Decks, Sound and Fury
Mix Tape A-Go-Go
Something About Beauty
Plucking from the Roof of Destiny
Coyote in a Sweater
Hearts and Bones
Adventures on the Patch
Another Fun Fact
Passages
Call of Duty
Like Hot Knives through… uh…
Breakfast Blend
Come Rain or Come Shine
My First Mowventure of the Year
Non-Linear Praise
Days of Thunder
Dreams for the First Day of Spring
Fire in the Hole
Blue Rope in the Old West
Dryer Highjinx
As the Sun Edges Higher
Partly Partial to Parties
Bittersweet Acid
Max Down the Hole
Low Key V-Day
Ivy League Scooter
Losing My Marbles, Finding My Space
Another Fun Fact
Our Weekend with Abbersten
Like Letting Go of a 30-Year-Old Child
A Corner of the Country
22 Man Roster
Pop Pop, Fizz Fizz
Road Trip Buzz
“You’ll Fudge Your Huggies!”
2015: The Year in Review for the Giant Muh
New on The Travel Blog: A Blair Witch Christmas
A Bear in There
Can’t Sleep
Another Fun Fact
A Feast without the Beast
Cooking Out Vegetarian
Netflix and the Sound of Ignorance
Another Fun Fact
Our Favorite Meal
Snow-White Seas
Soylent Brown
New on the Travel Blog: The Ferryman
Demagnetizing This Week
Why, Upgrade? Why Do You Mess with Me?
Is Eleven a Magic Number?
Walking Man
Always the Sky
The Quiet Days of September
On High
The Eager Lies of the Dogmatic
Trilogied Out
The Power of Presupposition
Anaïs Nin and Me
Some Dogs Never Learn
Changing of the Guard
My Position on the Use of the Atomic Bombs
My Time in Exile
News We Can Use
Black Salad, Flies, and the Shingle Avalanche
Unfriending?
Another Fun Fact
The Monthly Motto List
Rabbit Test
Summer Daze
Shooting Blanks
Flowers for Abby
What a Difference Two Years Makes
She Has Been Assimilated
Looks Like We Made It
The Anti-Christ
Numbers and Cams
Green Grass and Grilling
All Eyes on Us
As Heard
Back Down the Bully
The Rogue Has Roved
Leadeth Me to Greener Pastures
Poison Ivy Stress Syndrome
Early Peaches
Blending Fantasy and Reality in More Ways than One
The Young Competitor
Again, the Cosmic Lattice of Coincidence
State of Beeing
Abby’s Home
The Pond Is a Pond Again!
Grateful for the Rain
“At Least You Have Your Health”
The Infinity Cube
Rough Day for a Drive
The Favor from the Skies
Bath Night and Farm Vadar
The Day of the Murrah Bombing
Another Fun Fact
My Back Seat Driver
Trip Report: Off the Map
Cooking with Richard
So Shall I Reap
Back on the Map
Another Fun Fact
Barron Family Quiz Time
Id, Ego, Super Ego, Egomania
The Rantmeister Himself
Stop Blaming Hitler
New Digs for Me, Coming Home for Her
Until We Till Again
Springtime in the Country
10 Questions for Atheists
Negative IQs
Confessions of a Cleaning Addict
Flirting with Facebook?
Car Blanche
Another Fun Fact
The Paintings of Joseph L. Barron
Burn, Prune, Rest, Repeat
Another Fun Fact
The Writing Paradox
The Endless Litany of Bigotry
Moab Brewery Veggie Burrito and Fake Gloom
From the Country to the Deep Country
Question of the Week
Another Fun Fact
My Ten Commandments
The Will of the Triceratops
Flurry of Chores
Where Does the Time Go?
Abby’s Grand Canyon Story
The Mystery of Yatt Canyon
Pony Up the Party
All Good Things with Garlic
Asymmetrical Cruelty
Target Acquisition Day
2014: The Year in Review for the Giant Muh
A Double Bonus Christmas
Warmth for Winter
The Value of Change by Itself
Inclined to See the Bright Side
My Little Town
The Spirit of December
Christmagiving 2014
A Rare Decorating Reboot
Welcoming Back My Hunger
Chores in a Box
The Child is Grown, the Dream is Gone, and I…
Dick Laurent is Dead
How to Have a Head Cold
Novembering
The Young and the Restless
Trip Report: A Perfect Ten
Another Fun Fact
Starting the Next Ten
Lord of the Rings
Another High
A Flying Barn
I’m Turning Green and Purple!
These Boots Were Made for Walking
You Must Be Yoking
Fair to Midland
Gnasty Gnats and Tofu Treats
Bathroom on the Right
The Vegan Challenge Is On!
The Speed Factor
The Show of Shows
I Challenge the Challenge
Signs of Half-Remembered Days
Making the Worst of It Work for Me
Just Jamie
New Planets, No Jesus
Another Fun Fact
HAESing and Surrendering
Another Fun Fact
The Hay Guy and When to Shoot
Weather or Not
The Hand that Feeds
Written Dry
The Gutter of the Heart
The Thought Police and the Animal Within
Barbarossa!
To Wit, Too Wet
Another Fun Fact
Riding the Rich People’s Diesel Train
Earliest Memories
The 100 Hours of Fun
Our Childhoods in a Nutshell … or, uh … Bugshell
The Truck Stop Called The Truck Stop
Wheel of Fortune
Another Fun Fact
Three Hills, Tomato Holes, and Getting Giraffed
Another Fun Fact
Patriot Nevertheless
Emergency!
Rhonda
Weekend Update
You Can’t Hide Your Pryin’ Eyes
My Favorite Movie Quotes of All Time
The Process of Writing: Pure Fiction
Now That I’m Fiftysomething
Iraq: a Costly Mistake
“The Book”
The RV Vomit Story
9/11 Experience and Analysis
The Tortilla Sessions
The Wild Cry
Dear Ally or Whatever is Your Official Opinion
The Luxurious Blue Notebook, Part 1
Like the Deserts Miss the Rain
Another Perk of Being Me
The Barron Wasteland Range of Fury
The Last Day of School
Turning Crashes Into Toys
Two Lost Souls
Fruit of the Poisonous Tree
Changing Your Life with the DAPA 78000
The Her Sprung Russell Diagram
Hitler Youth
Another Fun Fact
A Frog in a Blender
What’s In a Name?
Calling Keith Berry
“Here Comes the Rain Again…”
The Twenty Transition
Phoning Dad from My Amazing Race
The Unholy Trinity Tour
Another Fun Fact
When You Wish Upon a Star
A Pupper for Supper
JetBoil Test
Thundersleet!
Antibiotic Resistance: A Personal View
Splitting Peas and Molecules
Camping – the Good Kind
Lift Me from this Place
A Shoutout to the Beanie Cap Guy
Another Fun Fact
Another Fun Fact
Like a Scene from Love Story
Ice on Ashes
Memoirs of a Bean Guy
Shrinkydinks in Happyland
Stampeding Cattle … through the Vatican
Jimmy the Gravel Guy
Food of the Gods, if the Gods Are Vegans
Chugging around the Bend
My Last Dream
Wave-stalgia!
Three Wise Men from a Fire
Time Tag
The End of Oklahoma as We Know It
Meee-Ow!
You Might Become Frankenstein
Road Coffee
Failed Communication Experiment
A Box Named Judy
Cool Mist Vaporizer
2013: The Year in Review for the Giant Muh
An Intimate Christmas
A Ten-Card Slamdown and I Still Got Busted
Shining on My Parade
Burping the Truck
The Holly and the Ivy
Some Real-World All-Wheel-Driving
Ice Storm 2: The Coldening
A Mini Vacation
Forever Autumn and the Winter of White Rain
The Problem with Pluralism
“A Human-Skin Rug in the Master Bedroom”
A Man for All Seasons, Including the Winter of ’44
A Room with a View
How to Leave Facebook and Why
Bean Eggs and Not Ham
When You Least Expect It
Mirror Mirror, Roller Coaster, and Playtime
Five Enduring Myths about JFK
Occupy: Laundry
Peace Pole Hell Hole
Yes, Virginia, It IS an Assault Rifle
Frijoles Negros Experiencia Cercana a la Muerte
A Happy Halloweener
Another Fun Fact
A Quarter of a Century in My Corner
Can’t Make this Stuff Up
Bean Coma
The Entitlement Mentality of the Right
Hunter in the Night
The Romance of October
Cottonwood Crap Merchants
Another Fun Fact
Scribbly Notes and Senior Pictures
Commentarium: “You, Sir, Are a Ball Suck”
Minus Three
Open Arms Syndrome
The Mad Dash of Destiny
Bad Ink, Rush Guy, and the No-Repeat Playlist
Smear the Queer
Ain’t No Mowshine
Another Fun Fact
The richardbarron.net Theme Contest
Inside My Big Stick
Nissan Juke: 1000 Mile Review
New Q Lar War
Our French Toast Sundays
Into Hiding
Falling Skies
Horsing Around
Ghost 13
Antenna Day!
Trip Report: The Metro
Oh Playlist, My Playlist
Saving the Republic
The High Road: Ten Years Later
Self-Actualizing My Butt Off
Juke Box Hero
Cling-On Invasion
A Hundred Little Fires
Schooled by My Subconscious
The Early Days of Summer
The Clutter Conundrum
Funhouse of Horrors
Things Growing in My DNA
O Garden My Garden
The Most Dangerous Game
Lifelong Recurring Dream: The Subterranean House
Do We Live in Narnia?
Stormpocalypse Not
A Billion Roving Photojournalists?
Speed Racer
The Oxygen Mask Metaphor
Teaching Like a Rolling Stone
Nonado for Us
This is Jack
We’ve All Been Fired
The Rain Comes Down
We Can’t Be Retarded Any More, but Are Anyway
A Leather Bikini and a Birdasaur
The Frost Man Cometh
I Could Not Have Been More Wrong
Calling All Campers
Trip Report: Terra Sanctus
Trying to Kill Jim
“Life is Spectacular”
Another Fun Fact
Ready, Set, Dinner
Visitations in the Night
Can’t Spell Google without “You”
Another Fun Fact
New Muscles and New Life
Long Life to You My Friend
Liner Notes
My Go-to Sickness Joke
Gold Under Dust
The Much-Maligned .380 ACP
My Empire of Dirt
It’s Gotta Be the Shoes
What No One Will Say
Hit the Decks
Another Fun Fact
Too Much Pee and Politics
A Truly Free Country
The Cookie Crumbles
Why Newspapers?
Liner Notes, a.k.a. Scar Tissue
Unicorn Meat and Summer Manna
Illusions: Delusions?
Se7en Languages
The Tallest Tree
History’s Best Naps
Another Fun Fact
A New Regime with a New Web Site
The Culture of Violence
Another Fun Fact
Out to Pasture
January Thaw
First Solo: 20th Anniversary
Goodbye Grocery List
Who Could Shoot a Child?
The House on 17th Street
Final Resting Place
Someone Beautiful
Happy Mycoprotein Day!
So Long Bug Ranch
“It’s all there, in shades of grey…”
Songs for My Funeral
What’s Black and White and Read All Over?
Death of a Railroad Man
Moore’s Law and the Great Upgrade
A Giant Muh of Relief
Your Civic Duty
Bad Car Names
Dream: Adaptive Shotguns in Kansas
Home Again: Abby and the Slime Mold
The Day Nothing Really Changed, Except…
Band Names, Titles, and Poo References
The Case for Rinsing
Smell Phone
Life Out of Balance
Our Big 8 Championship
Catching Flies
The Giant Knowledgemuh
Pincushion Richard or Playoff Syndrome
Source of Light
The Spark
Growing Up Rusty
My Next Invention
“Abby, We’ve Got Cows!”
Just a Straight Frackin’ Answer Please
Escaping from NASA and Wearing Spurs
Another Fun Fact
Wedding on the Farm
“Death to Jews!”
Amidst the Ever Deepening Gloom
The Curious Weeks of September
Advise for Parents from my Nap
Another Fun Fact
Among the Undead
Review of “About Last Night…”
Internetal Malnutrition
We’ve Only Just Begun
Facon and Eggs
To the Voiceless: There is Hope
Camping and Hiking: What’s Involved?
Drought Pout, or I Would Rather Be Mowing
Thought for the Day
“Are You Gonna Burn?”
Manifesto!
Rainbows, Antenna Farms, and Secret Codes
The Predictable Rage
The Wheels on My Spleen Go Round and Round…
Assignment: Team Blackout
Why Capital Punishment Doesn’t Work
“The Soul with No Leak at the Seam…”
You Can Never Go Home Again, But We Did
Deliverance Country vs Planet of the Apes Country
An Honor and a Privilege
Celebrity Morphology in the Age of Deconstruction
When Seconds Count, the Police Are Minutes Away
Trip Report: Christmas After the Storm
“I’m with Skip!”
The Sacrifice of Jesus
“Golly, Gramps!”
Testify!
Another Fun Fact
Naked Came I
Dancing with Roger Cocteau
Which Came First?
Trip Report: Siren Song
Giant Scorpions Ate My Dog!
Another Fun Fact
“Why Don’t You Believe?” -Coworker
Civic Duty to Eschew Decadence
My Favorite Food in the Universe…
Another Fun Fact
A Fungus Among Us
Narrating Your Boo Boos
Another Fun Fact
Thirty Years
Reconciling Good and Evil
“Get Out!” -Dennis Terry
Sing Along if You Know the Words
Out of the Drought, Phase Two
Sawdust in My Hair
Watching Me Wax and Wane
Peach Lifting for Skinny Guys
Death and All of His Friends
Another Fun Fact
The Reanimated Corpse of Marcia Brady
Double-click, Read the News, Listen to a Song = Instant Dream
When Jamie Roo Calls
“The Shallow Drowned Lose Less Than We…”
Rev Uh Lay Shun
DNA: You Don’t Bring Me Flowers
Film Review: Lost Horizon
“Oh, Live in the Country…”
The Rules
Cinnamon Rolls on a Rainy Easter
Another Fun Fact
The Rhapsody of Springtime
And by the Way, You’re Fired
My Chances of Being Struck by Lightning…
Sunny Sunday, Mowing Monday
Another Fun Fact
House Full of Riches
“When You Get Your Billion…”
You Are Not Filthy (But Ought to Be)
Sentimental Toothpaste
Just Added: 32 Images
Another Fun Fact
One Again, the Porn Industry Shows Us the Way
Another Plum Bites the Dust
Little Trucks in the Big Picture
Another Fun Fact
The Last Winter Rains
Right Out the Box
Another Fun Fact
Sunday Best
Fair Warning: I’m Out of Facebook
The Extra Day
Reality vs Self-Image
FBI Diapers
You’re a Vegetarian? What Do You Eat?
Idiopathy and Concentricity
“About Us”
The Other End of the Pasture
The Swimming Hair Story
Give Mac a Chance
The Throes of the Psychic Wars
Temperatures Rise and Fall
Tender MRSAs
Throw Down the Gauntlet
This Slavery, This Violence
Name Change
Grass Angel
Another Fun Fact
Why Did I Unfriend You?
Fertilizer
Cross Circuited
The Coldest and Wettest I Have Ever Been
Can’t Hold His Licker
Chicken Run
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum…
Insane Robotic Baby Mode
From Bedrock to Sin City
The Valley of Shadows Incident
Beautiful Night for a Fire
My First Edict When the New Order Comes
2011: The Year in Review for the Giant Muh
ET, Phone Centrahoma
Grimy Claus, Also Known as Kletus Kringle
O Christmas Tree
Some Little-Known Facts About Christmas
Summer and Lightning
The Dark Season Underground
Subterraneans and the Summer at 10,000 Feet
My Wife’s Heart
A Crescent City Celebration
The Beauty of Enough
Hijacking a 747 to Canada
Sleepy Monochrome
Finally, a Sort of Thanksgiving
Exploding Synapses
I’m Going to Blow Up “Pinterest”
Locked and Loaded
Abby had Puppies!
“Autumn Winds Will Blow Right Through Me…”
It Really is a “Web”
The Pool Story
World Puny Plan Day
And the Wind Calls Judy
Should They?
“…a tenth of the city fell…”
Wood Smoke and Moonshine
Opium Blonde
Eyeing the Future
Bus in the Strangers
Motivation
Family News Near and Far
Tired Cameras
Creative Blitz
The Promise of September
Pinch, Coke, You Owe Me a Poke
The Mayor of Wrongville
Brainy Days and Fridays
Dreampocalypse
My Wildfire Moat
“All the Gold Dust in Her Eyes…”
Okay, Yes, I Mowed the Pond
Response to Five Questions for Atheists
No Sign of Wife
Fanfare for the Common Man (on the Web)
How Should I Feel?
Sometimes it Rains and it Pours
As Heard
Snow Means Liberals Are Idiots
“That Doesn’t Even Make Sense.” ~Abby
What’s Hot, What’s Not
The Pig is in the Poke
Onlyness
Word of the Month: “Ponderous”
“The open road still softly calls.” ~Carl Sagan
Paradox of the Arrow
The Lighter Side
Pray It Won’t Happen
Finally, Some Real News
Laugh at this, Consumer
Unexpected Visitors
Basking in Obsolescence
Recycling, Country Style
Our Dads on Father’s Day
Summer Sessions
X-Gen Remorse Over the Atrocity
Searching for Petey
The Good Missiles of 1983
Spring into Summer
Critique of Facebook
Returning the Favor
Powerful Intoxicants
Saving Society from Itself
Other Thoughts, or “That is So True”
A Review of “No Country for Old Men”
Pandora’s Box and the Mohedrus
More Less Plus Less More = More Ons
“And the Rain Sets In…”
Achy Breaky Editing Day
The Ever Popular Tortured Artist Effect
No One’s Home
End of Days
Watching and Tending
Unicorn Facts
Different Germs, or Different Me?
Pork Loin Porno Caper
Flirting with Winter’s End
Drunk Driving Antiabstraction
Spider’s Eyes and Bull’s Eyes
Social Pressure at 15
Uncle Bill
Sunshine!
Our Demise
Snow Dogs
Snow Day
Let’s Talk About the Weather
Preparing for Snow-ice-sleet-freezing-rain-pocalypsemageddon
Hashtag This, Doofus
Ten Fingers and Ten Toes
Seething with Contentment
Sixteen Ear Candles
The January Warm-Up
Ultimate Nihilism
There Is Help
I Know Where I Am Welcome
Apocalypse on Walton’s Mountain
Shocking Black
The Insult as Argument
Chele Winters
A Fine and Fancy Thursday
Earth to Earth
Missionary Man
Don’t Make Me Come Down There!
Death Bøner 3000
Python Salad
I Flew Away
Summoning the Muse
Should Christians Rethink Earthcentricity?
Fear of Fearing Fear Itself: from the Green Bük
Green Bük Lavage
Green Box Mode
My Life Space from Space
Weirdest Tree Trimming Ever
Rubber Glove Orange Suit Nap Dream
County Roads, Take Me Home
What is Food?
Obamanation
Seasons to Cycle
Tolerance
“The Day He Journeyed Deep into His Mind”
Top (insert number) Lists
The MDZCWSRRBBS, Also Known as The FLAB
The Finally Frontier
Protected: Another Classic Case of Disresponsibility
Take Five in Cold Blood
Frog and Spiders and Goats, Oh My!
Home on the Range
Perfectly Ugly Karma
It’s Hard to Imagine
Anti-Arbor Day
The Huge, Chewy Pears
Does Anyone Even Click Through?
Suction, Stat!
Blaze of Glory
Hard Target Search
The Key to Solving the Key Problem
Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Muted Polka Dot Recliner
An Open Letter to Gun Nuts
Growing Up in the House of the Almighty
A Dog with De-stinked-tion
The Wild Road Ahead
The Quick from the Dead
Oklahoma Chain Saw Massacre
The Fantasy Flood
Huge, Enormous, Gigantic Tomatoes
Your Mother is Your Mother
De-sacking the Feline
Growing Up Trek
Dragon Branches
Days with My Love
Raining on their Parade
Some of Our Dharma: New Motor Home Day
Gilligan’s Bunch
Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms
Dream: Sky on Fire
The Many Layers of Familyship
Meditation on My Slice of Green
Rain on Rose of Sharon
Talent Night in Tulsa
Win a Few, Lose a Few
Funeral Party
Boycott Life
Let’s Play Cameras!
Facebook Slam
The “Work for Blog” Folder
Sourest of the Sours
Here
What If I Married Her?
Turning to Go
We Shall Meet in the Place Where There is No Darkness
Rumors of My Demise
Three-peat Plus One
Too Many Tigers
Don’t Mock My Roots
The Standard Lie of Courtship
Richard’s Plantation
Sparing the Innocent
More Than You’d Ever Expect…
The Relentlessness of Dreams
Oh to Be 10 (or 30) Again
Gathering and Remembering
The Passing of a Patriarch
Curiosity Killed the Cow
“I’ve been driving all night, my hand’s wet on the wheel…”
Sweet Tooth
“On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair…”
Take It Easy
Rabbit: Some Fun Easter Facts
The Dreaded Strep Stick
Salt Tooth
Walk the Walk
An Inexcusable, Petulant Teenage Act
Dreaming of April
Is That You, Vernal?
Snow on the Dashboard
Drag Marks
The Rite Stuff
The Name of the Beast
Those Championship Seasons
Of Course: a Burial Shroud
The Verdict on Microsoft
A Non-Partisan Cartoon…
Dentile Health
Zero Tolerance for Neo-Fascist Robots
Why Am I Wasting Your Time?
A Modest Proposal
My Mischievous Past
My Snowy Valentine
Passé? I’ll Pass.
It Strikes Me as Beautiful
Just One Way
Names for our socialist paradise
Deceptavor: he lives on your lies
Our Winter Wonderland
“Justice – Mercy – Humility”
Power to the People
Snow Nazis vs the Tuna Can
Skirting Perfection
Utopian Meritocracy
Lean Not on Your Own Understanding
Sit in the Sunshine, or Lapshine
Don’t Try this at Home
Slimy six-legged antenna-bird of New Guinea
You Can’t Have Your Bread and Loaf, Too
Fabulously Foxy Foto Friday
A Sudden Flashback to Childhood
Fake Dookie
Embarrassed to masturbate in front of the cat
Memories of Old Photographs
An Admirable Resolution
Brand X
2009: The Year in Review for the Giant Muh
Constant Squeaking, or a Hot Dog Dog
Merry Blizzard!
Merry Christmas; Freeze, Scumbag!
A More Cynical View of the Ancient Ones
Eels: Our Hidden Enemy
One Man’s Trash, or A Straight Flush
YourSpace Sucks; Goodbye MySpace
Spectacular, or How in the World?
“I was taught…”
Games People Play with Themselves
Goodbye Freedom
An Open Letter to Your Band
A Holiday Vignette
If you can bear the terrible secret
Reality Check
We are the Nauseons!
Creativity: My Raison D’être
Feeling Imagy
Resonator City
A Trip to Disneyland
Insult intensifiers: Here’s how!
My Best Friend
“I don’t care! I like it!”
Dial J for Jesus
Kool and the Gang vs KC and the Sunshine Band
List of “Kicks” we were on at one time or another…
The Necessity of Insensitivity
A Gateway to Shutting the Hell Up
Death and All His Friends
The A and the A
151 Haiku About Farting
A Covering of Pure Epidermis
Grinding the Peeve into Dust
What’s in a Sentence? I Mean, Besides Verbs and Stuff…
The Unforgettable Fire
A Hunger that Never Dies
Scenes from Apartment 11
Notes that Don’t Sing
Late-August Song
Points of Order
Hand Me an Issue
Holic?
Sick Kids and the Boogie Man
Arbeit Macht Frei
richardbarron.net vs The Man
Civil Liberties in the Face of Threats
Once an Ass, Always an Ass
Television Itself has Jumped the Shark
The Mentality of the Wealthy
The Devil Inside
Broken Machines
Trivial Pursuits
A Few Good Ideas about War…
The Daytona 500 of Funerals
Slamming the Orally Fixated
“The ones that don’t fit in…”
Snotmosis
The Predator
“A mathematically precise feeling of complete inadequacy.”
The “E Machine”
Long in the Teeth
The Famous Superfoods List
Dormatorium
1982 BB (Before Beard)
Forty Year Superfraud
Kerouacian Eyes
The Hero and the Ironic Talk
That Cross-Country Daze
Axchewal Clews
The Last Big Sandwich
Our Parents and What They Were Like
“Good Servant”
Turn for the Worse
A Fine Night for Frys
My Only Loan Officer Joke
Sic Semper Tyrannis!
The Filling Fields
Praise for the Mrs
Pinching Off Crotch Suckers
Quit Whining, You Baby
Humble Beginning
Another Pointlessly Complicated Dream
Killing Ground: Junior High
“Mars Invaded the Earth at 5:54 this Evening…”
Sugly Soto Saturday
The Photo That Scares the Sh!t Out of Me
No Room for Daddy
Spocky McSpockerson
Whinier Living Through Chemistry
Traitors
Vendetta? Victory? Ah, Vegetarian!
Extra Special Favorite
The Horse Whisperer
Your Stupid Plans
Have We Any Footballists?
Good Boy
Coming Out of the Closet and On the Ball
Playing Trek
Ralph Nietzsche
“I am duck, hear me quack, from my frontside to my crack!”
It’s easy enough to pat yourself on the back. The hard part is to get the world to stop kicking you in the nuts.
Selections from the Green Notebøk, Level A26, Cell 16B
The Wild Heart
5280 Feet of Fitness
Garden of Eden
– page left intentionally blank –
My April Fools Dénouement
What a Hack
Awaking to Perfect Sanity
Ich bin ein dustmite!
The Unwriting Idea
An Epic Conundrum
“Daddy, Is Reality Real?”
Coprolalial Squint Lozenge
Bitter Potato Festival
Happy Valen Time’s Day
A Window of Wisdom
YUBBY!
A Dream within a Dream
Vanquished Enemies
A Warm Little House in the Cold
Aaaaah! My eyes!
How to Spend Your Golden Years on Your Ass
Another Dream
Dreams Like Water
A Salad that Heather Would Love
The Re-Amazing Abby!
I won’t say anything. If you’ve gotten this far, you already know what you need to know.
Stop Stopping Statin
A Plethora of Warmth
Break Pride
“This is Carlton Your Doorman…”
Nestle, Quick!
2008: The Dogs Ate My Homework
The Notepad of Destiny
Boner Patrol Spots Another One
I Finally Understand
And I wonder to myself, “How far beyond stupid can we take this?”
Children: Our Most Dangerous Commodity
An Unusual Sighting
The Smell of Success
How to Tell that Your Wife is the Coolest Ever…
Her Eyes Again Bright
Holiday Season
Trekker v Trekkie v Ubernurd
We All Have a Past…
The Night Sky
Retarded Sheep Run the World
Toe Socks and Watermelon
Jennifer in the Woods
Beaming with Pride
Free Info on Mind Control
A Very Weird Night at Wal Mart
Game of the Year
An Opinion Machine
Jumping the Shark has Jumped the Shark
Hand Me a Plunger
Ah, Maaaaan! Am I a Lesbian?
An Insufferable Garden Braggart
Dream fragment: I star in a sitcom about a man named Adolph Titler
Buxton: Still an Idiot
Flags and Candy
Time Flies Like an Arrow; Fruit Flies Like a Banana
Right and Wrong
Our Mildonting Machine
A Back Road, Red Dirt Gypsy
The Culpability of Islam
The Fox and the Shark
Whoming
A. K. A. “Chihuahuas”
My Own Personal 9/11
Coolest Mother-in-Law Ev-ARE!
Come September
The C-Names List Listed
Under the Swirl
Reassurance
(You may regard this as a class 4 attempt at being un-funny)
The Irony of the Sacred
An Indisputable Miracle
Somniloquy
Our 15 Minutes
Lamb of God
Church Wedding
Culling the Herd
The Cuervo Gold
Conscience of the King
Head Over Heels
Shiny, Metallic and of Great Value
Ginormous Unfurlage!
A Steaming Pile of Irony
Some Famous July 1 Births
Adding “Tree Surgeon” to My Repertoire; or Night of the Lopper
God?
Analysis Shows…
Absolute Loyalty
Strictly for Dog Lovers
The Longest Day
Febrile Pyrexia
Synopsis of 2008 Abby’s Pneumonia
A Few Interesting TV Tidbits
Nature Gone Haywire, or in this case, Peachwire
My Wife
As Green as It Has Ever Been
Doppelgångerage!
A Gopher in Sunglasses
That Sialogogic Year, 1995
Relying on Reliable Stuff
She Ran Calling “Wildfire”
The House that Jack Built
All Things Must Pass
A Really Bad Athlete
Something for My Wife (or Every Little Kiss)
Finally Enough Lava
Eight Things
The Moral Ambiguity of Worms
The Wearing of the Green, the Eating of the Hammer
Shaft Synchronicity – Shaftronicity
A Harbinger of Spring
A Spy in the House of Light
Arbor Day!
The Oddest Playlist
Leap Day
Alchemy: Changing Spaghetti into Cheese
Emesis Sissies
A Shot in the Arm
The Party Line
Flying
The Predator
Squizza! Vegurrito!
A Trip to the Basement/Wind Comes Right Behind the Rain
La Mort Heureuse
Us or Them
Tropical Paradise vs Winter Wondeland
Awaiting Brimstone
Joy to the World
From Kris and Jessica
Gluttonous Ruminants
Possible Plans for Thanksgiving
A Llama in the Hhedgerow
Let’s Play!
Actual Name of My Godfather: Dick Spray
Tinfoil Hat to Deflect CIA Control Rays
The “Come Here, You Have to See This!” Frog
Are You Fatting Kidding Me?
The Death of Our Aunt Carol
Trail of Tears
Email from Nicole: “Oh. God.”
The Poem Every Day Project
Our Father Joseph L. Barron’s Death
Abby and Richard Get Married
First Date with Abby
The Minimus 7 Letters, Part 4
The Minimus 7 Letters, Part 3
The Minimus 7 Letters, Part 2
The Minimus 7 Letters, Part 1
Short Story: Love Letters
Short Story: Wallpaper
List: Funny Allegedly Real Names
List: Dog and Cat Names
The Collected Poetry
Short Story: Walking Away
Kathy’s Journal
Rage and Pain: Kathy Godfrey
Impossible Things: Pamela Michelle Hudspeth
Short Story: Bolt
Short Story: Sangre de Christo
Short Story: Shamrock
Short Story: Wild Horses
From the Writing Club of 1992: Two Short Stories
Short Story: Acme Road Bridge
March 1, 1987
Short Story: Ice
Short Story: Southbound 63
Freshman Diatribe
Short Story: The Road
Short Story: Agua Fria
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