Behold a Giant Muh

End of Days

Bad news for those of you who enjoy giving your loved ones Valentine’s Day gifts: we have seen the last Valentine’s Day.

How could this be? Prophecy. According to the Nikon World calendar, the world will end December 31, 2011.

“It’s been long known that this will be the end of it all,” said Lars Nordstorm of the Helsinki Institute. “A lot of people have been concerned because the Mayan calendar ends December 21, 2012. But we won’t be around to see it. The Nikon calendar ends twelve months earlier.”

Many cite passages in the Pentaxicon Canon, an ancient book of images, which says, “For they shall see the glorious sign, a Sigma, and soldiers shall beat their Tamrons into hoods, and the fearsome beast, called Tokina, shall emerge from a great cave, and blot out the sun.”

The book goes on to establish the date of the cataclysm: “Thirty four Elvi and one great season plus ten suns shall mark the erasure.”

The National Weather Service isn’t making a forecast for that day. “Get out of my office, you idiots,” said Anthony Beggerson, Deputy Director of Operations at the Weather Service.

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