“We shall come all over.” -Creedo of Cool Left-Wing Juggling Nihilist for Social Revolution, my 1986-88 girlfriend’s college club.
“I’d rather pop a boner in a nursing home.”
Hey, Hitler! Nobody likes you!
My approval rating skyrocketed after I said some nice things about an event elsewhere in the world.
“Talking to yourself is only bad if you’re telling yourself jokes you’ve never heard before.” -Stolen from someone who stole it from a Facebook friend.
“It doesnt matter who’s completely right or completely wrong, it’s the guy’s job to say sorry.”
“Then what does she do?”
“She gets to forgive you.” -Also stolen from Facebook
Actual lyric: “The damage accumulates.”
Misheard: “The dummy between your legs.”
I dreamed that Max the Chihuahua got lost at a rodeo. I eventually found him in a cubby hole next to a cattle stall, but by then I was all the way across town (it seemed like Norman, Oklahoma) and was late for Abby’s family reunion night tug-of-war.
X has decided that people who act like morons when being photographed are doing so because they are afraid that if they don’t, they will look like morons anyway because they really are morons.
I am getting old and I can prove it. I just set a wall clock to the “correct” time, since it appeared to be 6 hours off. Then I realized it was upside down in my hands. (Please visit me at the old folks home.)
Ever wonder why so many products bear the moniker “SX”? Simple: you can’t say “SX” without saying “sex.” Try it!
The original thatched hutch in Europe was invented by a Polish civil servant named Antonin Starsky. His invention is now known as the Starskian Hutch.
I was going to lock the bathroom door while I did my business, but then thought to myself, “What if I fall in?” (No, I am not kidding.)
If there is one thing I have learned in all my years, it’s that my goats know what to eat and what not to eat.
Brenda White Simpson: “You know Richard, Ive been meaning to tell you this for a long time. You are one of the funniest people Ive ever ‘met’. Thank You.”