From the Blakk Bük…

• Nothing arouses me or inspires me more than super-slow-motion footage of a laser-guided Maverick missile slamming into the side of a T-72 tank at four times the speed of sound.
• I like the way granola started out as health food and gradually degenerated into candy.
• Nothing is more beautiful than the desperate “face” of orgasm.
• Is there anything more believable than a talking dog on television?
• July 1999: I dreamed there was an accidental nuclear war somewhere else in the world. Radiation poisoned us all. Everywhere I went, vomit covered the ground.
• People retire to places like Lawton, Oklahoma, because they figure they’re going to hell anyway, and might as well get a head start.
• There are too many cookies in my vengeance dome.

Society has become so self-referential and redundant that I’ve rapidly concluded that it’s all made up of seven essential elements:

1. Sex
2. Orange soda
3. Rainbow suspenders
4. Pornography
5. Irony
6. Getting smacked by rolled-up newspaper
7. Falling from a vast height onto a slurry of razor blades, broken glass and sulfuric acid.

I have a voodoo doll of my own genitals. When I’ve been bad, I put it in the microwave.