Behold a Giant Muh

Perfectly Ugly Karma

Dateline 1977: In those dark days of junior high school, one day I was at my locker in the eighth grade hall. Two lockers down was Jena Owrey’s locker. Jena was beautiful and popular, but unlike a lot of the “proud crowd” (as they were known at my school and in my day), she was always incredibly sweet and nice to me.

At my eighth birthday party; little did I know at the time.

It was between classes in the hall. 300 kids were struggling to get to their lockers, switch books, and get to their next classes. Jena was in a hurry too, and opened her locker too fast, causing its metal door to whack into the open shoe box she was carrying, tossing its contents, about $15 in change and about 30 spirit ribbons, to the floor.

In the awkward moment of silence that immediately followed, I instinctively said, “Smooth move, Ex Lax!”

In some ways I get the feeling that all the ill that has befallen me since that day has been a karmic kick in the nuts for my inconsideration.

It wasn’t a one-way street, however.

Also during junior high, one day I was riding the sixth-hour bus home because I stayed late to help a teacher move some chairs. There were only a few of us on the bus. Two rows behind me were two girls my age, about 12 or 13. I could hear them talk, and I heard one of them say, “Look at that guy’s hair. It’s so pretty!”

This got my attention, since they were undoubtedly talking about my hair, so I turned my head slightly so I could hear a little better. She obviously got a glimpse of my face at that point, because she immediately added, “Oh, but he’s ugly.”

I don’t know who it was, but if I had to venture a guess about how her life turned out, I’d bet it wasn’t happy. Karma kicks people like that at least as hard.

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