In college I had a roommate one semester who talked in his sleep almost every night. Being a night crawler, I heard most of it, and wrote down the good ones:
"Space Monk, wanna sharpen my knife?"
"I said I want some pie!"
"Put a little foam on it so the kids can
play."
"Bill, I don't know anyone. Give the pad
to Ray Roberts."
"Can you get those ladies to sh*t? Who gives
a sh*t?"
"If she doesn't get in there fast, tell her
to f*ck off, goddamit. Good!"
"My mother has a wolfpoint."
"You bastard! You bloody bastard!"