As if anyone needed evidence that I am losing my mind, here is a seminal story from just yesterday:
As I was about to leave the house for work, I couldn’t find my wedding ring. Hmm. When was the last time I remember wearing it? Ah, it was when I took the Wolfhound to the corner with me to buy fuel for the lawn mower. Maybe my ring is in the truck, maybe I dropped it next to the pumps, maybe it fell off in the garage. In any case, I didn’t have time to look for it then, so I put a “travel ring” on my left ring finger.
My day progresses normally. Photo assignments. Deadlines. Hurry up and wait. By midday I needed to tell my editor something, so I stepped into his office, leaned on the door frame and started talking, putting my hands in my pockets in the process… wait, is my wedding ring in my pocket? How did it get there? I haven’t worn these pants since last week.
I must have grabbed it thoughtlessly with the earbuds and jump drives and put it in my pocket without telling my brain.
Also recently, my wife needed me to get some of her prescription meds together. I put them in a plastic pill cup, walked from her bathroom to mine, realized I was thirsty, popped the pills in my mouth and swallowed them with a big drink of water… wait. Did I just take Abby’s prescriptions? Hmm. Oh, well. Maybe I’m not getting enough estrogen.
Also, I take credit for ruining Open Mic Nyte with my incessant use of the word “weiner.”