Muhtato, Muhtahto

Sentence: “Mutatatos don’t have enough muhtassium, so my wife needs more muhnanuhs.”

“You must like your wife. You talk about her a lot.” You don’t like your spouse?

This is my favorite place in the world: breakfast with my wife.
This is my favorite place in the world: breakfast with my wife.

Once when I had my teeth cleaned, and the hygienist (first type through autocorrected to “eugenist”) nagged me for drinking too much coffee.

“Hot” isn’t a flavor.

I have friends who vanish from social media for weeks or months at a time, and I miss them when they do.

A wise man speaks because he has something to say. A fool speaks because he has to say something.

I was thinking about beets, and why they are called “sugar beets.” Are there salt beets? When I was a kid, I thought because there was a “sugar diabeetus,” there must also have been a “salt diabeetus.”

Valentimes Day. Chicken pops. Angels and dark angels. The Long Ranger. Stripped throat.

Are the razor-sharp Oklahoma grass burrs the work of dark forces? Answer: yes.

Happy People Pass My Way, the first song by Mandy, a Barry Manilow tribute/cover band.

Christians wil forgive you for anything but not being a Christian.

Anyone who asks “Am I too needy?” is too needy.

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