“You Don’t Ever Change”

or “You Still Look the Same”

Your humble host photographs himself in a mirror in January 2000.
Your humble host photographs himself in a mirror in January 2000.

As a result of my giant office cleanout project, I have posted on social media a number of photos of Adans (people from Ada, Oklahoma, for you out-of-towners) and their neighbors who I photographed in the 1990s and know in the twentyteens. Some of them look very familiar, but some of them are almost unrecognizable. Why is this?

One thing I feel certain helps me feel and look young is my diet, which I have tried to keep healthy with, among other things, being a vegetarian since 1989.
One thing I feel certain helps me feel and look young is my diet, which I have tried to keep healthy with, among other things, being a vegetarian since 1989.

At the same time, I felt obligated to post a few images of myself from that same era. Almost to a man, people tell me, “You don’t ever change,” “You look the same now as you did then,” or “You never age.”

This is the greyest I ever let my beard get. As you can see, it ages me unkindly.
This is the greyest I ever let my beard get. As you can see, it ages me unkindly.

The truth, of course, is that I have aged, but not as dramatically as some of my friends and neighbors. How much of this is luck, and for how much can I take credit?

  • I didn’t get fat. You might be amazed how much different people can look who double their weight. Often they can be almost unrecognizable. I can take most of the credit for not getting fat. I have been a vegetarian since 1989, and I have always been physically active.
  • I didn’t lose my hair or its color. This is plainly luck. I have great hair. It hasn’t greyed or thinned. My beard, on the other hand, is grey through and through, so I color it, and this makes a significant difference in my apparent age. I see a lot of guys get to a breaking point in their hair lives, when they shave their heads and grow long goatees, or worse. This makes them look old, and kinda creepy.
  • I never smoked or got high. A couple of lifelong smokers from my high school with whom I recently connected on Facebook already look like their grandparents.
  • I dress appropriately for my age and personality. I feel depressed when I see someone my age wear their clothes and hair like they did “back in the day,” only on a body remains very much in this day. I also eschew the “shorts and black socks with sandals” scene that the elderly sometimes inexplicably adopt.
  • I talk to people as though they have value. Young people and old people seem to forget this is important, for different reasons, but the truth is that we are catching more flies with this honey than with their vinegar. One effect of this is…
  • I smile more. When I was in my 20s and 30s, I was unhappy much of the time, and didn’t smile enough. There are few things as effective at disarming and charming people than a decent, genuine smile. I give it as a gift.
  • I try not to complain. No one wants to hear how much my lateral epicondyle tendon hurts, particularly young people who have no idea why old bodies hurt. It just comes across as meanness.

In conclusion, I am 53 as I write this, and have no intention of “acting my age” with the “ask me about my granddog” set.

Abby and I pose for a photo last year. You can see the age in my eyes more than anywhere else, but coloring the beard, as you can see, is a game-changer. Compare this image to the first one in this entry to see how I have aged since my 30s.
Abby and I pose for a photo last year. You can see the age in my eyes more than anywhere else, but coloring the beard, as you can see, is a game-changer. Compare this image to the first one in this entry to see how I have aged since my 30s.
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3 Comments

  1. I’m happy to give you credit for a significant portion of your perceived youthfulness, but will also offer the following observation: Some people seem to change more than others, even after controlling for personal choices.

    Some of my high school friends were immediately recognizable after 25 years, while others weren’t — I had to look them up in the yearbook before remembering who they were. Hairlines had moved, nose shape had changed, and even eye shape was different.

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  2. The wardrobe changes aren’t all that inexplicable. These days I wear, as our mother often put it, clothes that don’t hurt. For me that means for example jeans with a little stretch in them. For others, maybe it’s the comfort of shorts and sandals with the added comfort of soft black socks. Or maybe they’re hiding gnarly fungi.

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