Flirting with Facebook?

Facebook is like this hyper caloric dessert: it's not as good as its title implies, though its title isn't very descriptive, and people are constantly pestering you to try try it even though they know its not as good as it promises to be.
Facebook is like this hyper caloric dessert: it’s not as good as its title implies, though its title isn’t very descriptive, and people are constantly pestering you to try try it even though they know its not as good as it promises to be.

Here are some of my thoughts after recently reintegrating Facebook into my social media milieu, which I did reluctantly to stay connected to a small number of people…

  • It’s stupider than ever.
  • People upload posters of words instead of just typing those words.
  • People “like” and comment on the shallowest things and ignore anything genuinely important. Truly creative efforts go unnoticed, or worse, garner a “WTH???” moniker.

    Facebook is like this poison ivy co-mingling with Virginia creeper: its hard to see what it really is, and if you dig in to find out, you may develop an oozing, itching, painful reaction that requires using drugs so you can sleep at night.
    Facebook is like this poison ivy co-mingling with Virginia creeper: its hard to see what it really is, and if you dig in to find out, you may develop an oozing, itching, painful reaction that requires using drugs so you can sleep at night.
  • The first time I tried Facebook, I added friends because I thought they could offer insight into my past, but now I see that 99% of those from my past are empty, vacuous, self-involved turds.
  • More than a significant fraction of Facebookers seem to feel the need to make their profile pictures of their children, grandchildren, or pets, essentially eliminating the purpose of the profile picture.
  • Along those same lines, if you keep everything a secret on your Facebook page because you are afraid of the “weirdoes” of the world, you are ironically keeping real friends away and inviting the very weirdoes you despise.
  • If, at any time, you were my Facebook friend, and are not now, it is because interacting with you was fundamentally flawed in some way: we were not really friends, you offer nothing of substance, and you are boring beyond belief. If this insults you, you are right to be insulted. But it’s not untrue.
  • So what if I went to your school or college, or I like your sports team, operating system, politics, or cameras? That isn’t the basis of a friendship.
  • People seldom give you any genuine compliments, but seize upon any mistake you make like a pack of wild, starving dogs.
  • Even the “stalking your ex” thing is played out for me, since I have no ill will toward anyone I ever loved, thanks to the love+∞ situation I have with my wife Abby.
  • I am frustrated when I post a link to something on my blog and people “like” or comment on the Facebook link, not the blog itself. Seriously, comment on the blog, you lazy troglodytes.
  • Tons of people say they will “like” our fan page, but for some reason they do not. Someone even told me one time, “Even if I don’t ‘like’ your page, I like you.” Just “like” the damned thing, please.
Facebook is like this huge State Fair corn dog: it smells weird, it was cooked in something nasty, it cost more than it should have, it is covered in condiments that look like ejaculate, and for some reason, people who don't like it all that much are constantly trying to get you to try it. Or maybe it's just a great big dick.
Facebook is like this huge State Fair corn dog: it smells weird, it was cooked in something nasty, it cost more than it should have, it is covered in condiments that look like ejaculate, and for some reason, people who don’t like it all that much are constantly trying to get you to try it. Or maybe it’s just a great big dick.
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7 Comments

  1. Let’s ‘face’ it, Facebook would be more accurately named ‘Acquaintance-Aid for People Seeking Affirmation of the Person that They Want Others to Believe that They Are’.

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  2. “People upload posters of words instead of just typing those words.”

    Ugh, yes. The really stupid thing is that it’s *harder* to make the poster than it would have been to type the words in the first place. My complaint.

    “I am frustrated when I post a link to something on my blog and people ‘like’ or comment on the Facebook link, not the blog itself. Seriously, comment on the blog, you lazy troglodytes.”

    Oh yes, this. And everything else you said.

    My activity there has increased somewhat of late, simply (as you said) “to stay connected to a small number of people”, but it’s increasingly frustrating that these people simply refuse to interact in any way outside Facebook.

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  3. I like to debate and exercise my knack for sarcasm. I’m becoming more selective in choosing/keeping friends.

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  4. Okay I like some of your posts because my like causes them to show up in other feeds leading them to your website.

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