When You Wish Upon a Star

This is culled from Wil C. Fry’s “About Wil C. Fry” page, subtitled “Answers to Silly Internet Quiz Questions.” Normally, when some vapid 40-something former baton twirler sends me one of these, I try to be as funny and as annoying as possible, but for Wil, I will endeavor to be straight up, even though some of my answers might come across as kind of ridiculous.

Tofurky
Tofurky

• Favorite Holiday Dish (excluding dessert) — In recent years, the humble Tofurky (but not that silly jelly one from “Everybody Love Raymond.”)

• Favorite Holiday Dessert — Pretty close in the running are pecan and mince, with mince having a slight edge.

• At what age did you stop believing in Santa? — 11. There was a humiliating debate going on next to me about it in Mrs. Gerber’s sixth grade class, and upon realizing there was no Santa, I just kept my mouth shut and stayed out of it, but I feel certain they could see me blush.

• Snow: Love it or Dread it? — Snow is a photographer’s dream. I particularly love it on mountains when we travel.

• What is your favorite Christmas Song? — Having lived in Oklahoma since 1971, the answer should be apparent: the B. C. Clark Anniversary Sale jingle. Like most Oklahomans, I know all the words, and am happy to sing it upon request…

 

 

… though I have to admit that I think Santa actually dies at the end of that version of the jingle.

• Fave Christmas Movie? — Love, Actually.

Jessica Claus
Jessica Claus

• Fave Christmas TV special? — As I have noted before, Santa Claus is Coming to Town stands toe-to-toe with Frosty the Snowman, not for entertainment value, but because of the women. Jessica Claus? Ultrababe. Karen? That little red skirt and big white boots had my number.

• Most annoying thing about Christmas? — It would be hard for me to nail down ten individual things I hate about this holiday, so I’ll go for annoying supercluster I hate about Christmas: it is exactly the opposite of what it should be, both religiously and sociologically. If anything about Christmas made sense, it would be a day of prayer and fasting.

• What Do You Like Most About Halloween? — That I can wear a suit or a military uniform all day, and people say I look nice without realizing I am in costume. When they finally ask about what I am wearing, I explain that, “my uncle was buried in this suit.” They almost always say, “Really?”

I swear to you, my Uncle Murray was buried in this uniform.
I swear to you, my Uncle Murray was buried in this uniform.

• What Do You Like Least About Halloween? — I despise anything that reenforces to fat kids that candy is a reward for anything.

• What scares you the most? — Having seen very many too many horrible vehicle crashes in my work, they scare the crap out of me.

• Fave Halloween Movie — The Blair Witch Project, head and shoulders above the rest. It’s a great movie to watch, but when I watch it I mostly think how wicked cool it would have been to be in it.

• Who are you named for? — Grandfather Richard Morgan Batten and grandfather Russell Leander Barron. I was a coil toss from being Morgan Leander Barron.

• Do you wish on stars? — No, never. When I see stars, I think of my mom reciting, “Starkle starkle, little twink, how I wonder what you think.”

• If I were a crayon I’d be — One of the metals, probably copper. Those were always the shortest in my box.

Richard M. Batten c1944
Richard M. Batten c1944

• Fave Participant Sport — Vs others, tennis. By myself, hiking.

• Fave Spectator Sport — I see lots of sports as a photographer, so I’m not exactly spectating, but I prefer covering high school football and basketball.

• Rolling Stones or Beatles? — Beatles

• Fave toys as a child — When I was very young, Lincoln Logs. By the time I was 10, the German light infantry.

• Other great toys you had — Toggles, our parents’ Underwood typewriter, our parents’ shoe shine kit, and the hat box with the Bufferin bottle in it at Grandma and Grandpa Barrons’.

• A toy you wanted but never had — A airplane control yoke in the back seat so I could “pilot” the car to California in 1974.

• Movie you loved as a child — Airport 1975

• Song you loved as a child — I know this will sound pretentious, but it’s the truth: Love Theme from On the Waterfront by Leonard Bernstein. The tender flute scenes throughout the piece both appealed to my sensitive middle-class pre-teen sensibilities, and they also reminded me of a girl on whom I had a crush who played the flute. This music became the theme song to the love story I wrote in my head about her.

Look out for the crazy redhead in the sports car.
Look out for the crazy redhead in the sports car.
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4 Comments

  1. That shoeshine kit was the BEST, but mince pie is gross. As for the santa claus thing, I distinctly remember your telling me later that day what you’d learned. So thanks for that.

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  2. Very nice! I like the Texaco gas pump at the end. :-)

    To be honest, my list on the “About Wil” page was put there mainly because I was cleaning out my computer and found these lists in files. I realized it would not be useful or funny for them to sit in a hidden folder until I died, and if I just deleted them, I would have wasted all that precious time.

    So I put them online. :-/

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  3. Also, I need to update mine, because I actually AM afraid of things… When I answered that “silly internet quiz”, I must’ve been in an incredibly good mood and couldn’t think of anything to be afraid of.

    * Like you, I covered too many injury/fatality accidents and became quite worried about that. Now, for a decade, I’ve stopped completely at every stop sign, almost never break the speed limit, always check two or three times before pulling out of a private drive or smaller side street, and so on — all the things that were left undone in the accidents I covered.

    * I’m afraid of unplanned social situations. I can do okay with a planned get-together, birthday party, etc. (though I always feel awkward then too, but I can at least *act* like a normal person). When a social situation thrusts itself upon me, my brain often goes into neutral gear, and I end up saying or doing stupid things. (And because I know this, I worry about possible future situations.)

    * Maybe I’ve watched too many movies (almost certainly I have), but I’ve long been afraid of imprisonment in a mental institution or prison — of course it would wrongful imprisonment, but that doesn’t abate the fear.

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  4. “Yeah, I’m afraid of Americans
    I’m afraid of the world
    I’m afraid I can’t help it
    I’m afraid I can’t
    I’m afraid of Americans

    “God is an American
    God is an American…”

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