Sixteen Ear Candles

X is now taking himself too seriously for the 14000th straight day!

Regis Philbin <—> Philbis Region

“No one is online.” -Facebook

X is changing what “LOL” means. From now on, it’s “Living Our Lives.” Please adjust your usage.

Light of the world, shine on me, but at the same time it will attract bugs like this.
Light of the world, shine on me, but at the same time it will attract bugs like this.

X is also changing what “ROFL” means. From now on, it refers to “Really Ordinary Freaking Losers.” Don’t make me tell you twice.

I wonder if, after the first successful atomic bomb test in New Mexico, Robert Oppenheimer high-fived Enrico Fermi and said, “Fission accomplished!”

Maybe he leaned over close to Enrico and asked, “NOW who has the Fermi?”

80s joke: “What’s grosser than Olivia Newton John in Grease?” A: Come on Eileen.

X’s Facebook page is specially designed to magnify its luster and enhance its visual impact.

X had a completely straightforward dream last night about the toilet overflowing.

“He’s degreasing journalism.” -Misheard

“F•ck all a ya’ll motherf•ckers.” -Slogan

I am not Herbert. (For the record, I am Sherbert.)

Situation: unwittingly sleeping in dog vomit.

Heard on the police scanner: “Change the queen to an ocean.”

ABCDEFGHIJK elemental pee.

Tongue twister I wrote while driving home one night: Delicious celery sells swiftly.

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