Don’t Mock My Roots

By , April 30, 2010 7:57 pm
Hot and delicious, Abby bragged and bragged about how good my roots were

Hot and delicious, Abby bragged and bragged about how good my roots were

Listening to Doctor Radio again today, a segment on gardening inspired me to make a dish for dinner I hadn’t made in years: baked roots. Basically it is a collection of cubed or quartered root vegetables, cooked in a casserole for about 90 minutes in a marinade of margarine and a little lemon and salt.

I told some friends at work about this notion, and none of them could fathom why this would be a nice meal; red potatoes, turnips, red onions, carrots, and green onions, baked until tender. When I made it tonight, Abby and I thought it was probably the best meal either of us had eaten all week.

Moral: don’t mock Richard’s roots.

The Standard Lie of Courtship

By , April 29, 2010 8:41 pm

I have been told this lie my whole life by women, even after I got married:

“I just want to be by myself for a while.”

This lie has always been told to me by very attractive women who have just gotten divorced or broken up from a serious relationship, and never, not once, have any of these women been by themselves for a while. Typically they are with someone within just a week or two.

I imagine that on the surface, they mean what they are saying. I say “on the surface” because deep down, they know they are full of shit. Deep down they know they will be with someone soon, because no one who is married or in a serious relationship wants to be alone for a while, or even for the next five minutes. If they wanted to be alone, they would have been alone the whole time.

At some middle-depth level, this statement is really this: “I don’t want to be with you.”

This lie and similar ones, like, “It’s not you, it’s me,” (it’s you, or she would want to be with you), or “I just want to be friends,” (which is almost never even remotely true), or “I don’t think we want the same things,” (which was spoken with great irony to me by a girlfriend who later became a lesbian, proving we both wanted the exact same thing, to be with a lesbian woman), are part of the pointless thrust and parry of courtship, and one of the reasons I am so very glad to be in a healthy marriage.

Sidebar: a woman once told me, “I just can’t be in a co-dependant relationship right now,” then proceeded to marry and divorce two more times in the next ten years.

I know I am asking for a lot more courage than almost all of you are capable of mustering, but people, please, at least once in your miserable little lives tell someone the truth, that you are thinking only of yourself.

Richard’s Plantation

By , April 28, 2010 5:51 pm

Though I got it done later in the spring than I usually prefer, I got the garden planted tonight. I put in six tomatoes, nine yellow bell peppers, two rows of cucumbers, and a variety of radishes, carrots, lettuce, and Swiss chard for Abby. It’s a little bit like cooking the best vegetarian meal you can imagine, but it has to simmer for 58 days.

This is also the last year that I have to pick off the tiny fruit from my peaches, plums, apricots, and cherries; next year I will let them bear.

Young yellow bell pepper plant; in the background you can see the seed packets for carrots and radishes.

Young yellow bell pepper plant; in the background you can see the seed packets for carrots and radishes.

Sparing the Innocent

By , April 25, 2010 5:30 pm
Tiny purple flowers wave in the breeze near Dorothy's red shed in the pasture

Tiny purple flowers wave in the breeze near Dorothy's red shed in the pasture

It is spring. In Oklahoma, spring can bring severe thunderstorms, warm periods, cold snaps, and wild wind. Today was something of a perfect spring day, and with Abby and her dog Sierra in Ryan visiting her folks, I took to the pasture, to chew on some overdue yard work. I mostly mowed, but I also dragged some branches to the brush pile. The branches had been cut from above power lines by the power company, since many had been broken during winter ice and were hanging on the lines. While I was out on the south 40, Barky’s mom (whose real name is Colleen, I think; we call her Barky’s mom because she has a dog that barks a lot) told me the power company had promised to come back and haul off those branches, but I told her I’d take care of it, no charge. In the process, I grabbed several large bundles of juicy weeds down by the brush pile and fed them to my goats.

I mowed some more, mostly on the big patch of empty between Dorothy’s house and ours, which we call “The Golf Course.” I let it grow too long, and it was thick with clover. On the east end over by the red shed, there were several large areas of small purple flowers, and I decided they were so nice looking in the spring breeze that I would spare them. When I was done, I came back and photographed them. I also made some additional images of Dorothy’s iris, which I photographed Wednesday morning as well.

After a long, cold winter, it is genuinely starting to feel like spring.

Iris growing near the rock wall by Dorothy's pine tree

Iris growing near the rock wall by Dorothy's pine tree

More Than You’d Ever Expect…

By , April 25, 2010 4:11 pm
Abby

Abby

Days Go By
by Duncan Shiek

I know it’s not fashionable
To be this hopeful,
Or laugh away.
I didn’t think it was possible
To be this grateful,
Any way.
And I know it’s not sensible
To be this passionate,
Everyday.

Days go by.
I catch myself smile
More than you’d ever expect.
It’s been a long while
Since it’s been okay
To feel this way…

The Relentlessness of Dreams

By , April 25, 2010 9:47 am
Peach blossoms from my orchard last month, the brightest, most optimistic image I had on hand to counteract this dark dream

Peach blossoms from my orchard last month, the brightest, most optimistic image I had on hand to counteract this dark dream

Abby went to be with her family in Ryan last night, so I am missing her. It’s pretty amazing how different my dreams can be while she is away, and last night was no exception.

In my dreams last night, we were at Chele’s wedding again, though at a much larger church. I dreamed that my mother was still alive, but had just three days to live. She didn’t know, and we didn’t tell her. I also dreamed that my close friend Ann Kelley was there, and that she died at the wedding.

Despite being awake for several hours, the images remain clear in my head.

Oh to Be 10 (or 30) Again

By , April 23, 2010 3:44 pm
Explaining Bunnies to Teddy, 2008

Explaining bunnies to Teddy, 2008

Since I met her nearly seven years ago, my grand-niece-in-law, Teddy Brown, and I have hit it off. At first, she liked me because I took lots of pictures of her, but now, every time I see her she bursts into a giant smile and rushes to me for a big hug. She and I always have fun together. At the family reunion together two years ago, we played pool, and I went into a long, silly diatribe in a foreign (but not specific) accent, mostly about rabbits, which had her laughing non-stop.

Last week in the midst of all the gatherings of family, the house got too crowded, and I went out into the big yard to find Teddy, who is now 10. She was happy to see me, so we set off on an adventure of sorts. We sat on a tall corral fence and watched the cattle roam and graze, giving the steers names like Elvis and Savanna, all the while laughing at the little kids playing cowboys and indians in the corral.

She had her camera, and of course I had mine, so we played around with a concept I saw on the internet not long ago called “Running from the Camera,” in which we set the self-timer to two seconds and ran away as fast as we could.

Then we tried to climb the trees in the yard. Two of them were too hard for either of us climb, and the mimosa in the front yard was easier than climbing stairs, but we found one that was challenging, and once we were both aboard, trying to find branches to get us higher in the tree, she said, “I can’t believe you’re this old and still have all this energy!”

“How old do you think I am, Teddy?”

“30?”

Teddy and Me Running Backwards Away from the Camera

Teddy and me running backwards away from the camera

Gathering and Remembering

By , April 20, 2010 7:44 pm
Hershel Shoffner and his Fiddle

Hershel and his Fiddle

Abby’s family gathered for her father Hershel’s passing this weekend. As you might remember from reading about her family’s reunions, there are a lot of family, and they are close.

Hershel’s funeral at the Ryan, Oklahoma, Methodist Church was packed. There were musicians who played piano and fiddle, since Hershel was a fiddler. Hershel also loved westerns, so his coffin was wheeled out of the church to “Happy Trails.” Anyone not crying by then found it irrepressible. I was honored that one of my photos, of Hershel outside his workshop barn at sunset one December, was on the cover of the funeral program. I also produced a short DVD slide show of photos I’d made of Hershel in the seven years I knew him, to Cindy Morgan’s “Most of All,” a song about losing a loved one. Everyone appreciated it.

At the grave side, I was impressed by the dignity of the U. S. Navy’s flag ceremony, and equally impressed by the lengthy, complicated Freemason’s ceremony.

You can listen to “Most of All” by clicking on the play button… 

William Hershel Shoffner, 1923-2010

William Hershel Shoffner, 1923-2010

The Passing of a Patriarch

By , April 16, 2010 7:16 am
Hershel Shoffner

Hershel Shoffner

Abby’s father, Hershel Shoffner, the grand patriarch of the 11 brothers and sisters of the Shoffner family, the man who proudly served in the United States Navy in World War II, the man who taught my wife to shoot and fish and repair cars and countless other things, a man universally admired for his strength and sensibility, died last night after a short illness, less than a month before his 87th birthday. He will be missed.

Curiosity Killed the Cow

By , April 11, 2010 11:13 pm
Abby and her father, Hershel Shoffner

Abby and her father, Hershel Shoffner

Abby and I went to her hometown of Ryan, Oklahoma, again this weekend, to help the family deal with Abby’s dad, who is currently hospitalized in Nocona, Texas, after a fight with pneumonia. While he is responding to treatment for the infection, his illness, coupled with degeneration of strength in his legs, may leave him unable to walk or care for himself.

Abby and I are both very sad to see this once very powerful man succumb to the ravages of advanced age. He will turn 87 next month. The next ten days will establish our course; will he regain enough strength from physical therapy and pain management to return home, or will he need professional nursing care?

Last year as he prepared to sell the house in which Abby grew up, Hershel was ascending a short flight of stairs when he looked at me and said, “Don’t ever get old.”

I thought of all this yesterday evening when I went out to the Shoffner’s barn to turn on the windmill so the cattle could drink. Hershel and I had done this together a week ago, though he needed four rest stops along the way. I turned on the windmill, which spun up quickly and started pumping water into the blue water tank so the steers could drink and the goldfish could swim.

Steers gather around me as the evening draws to a close

Steers gather around me as the evening draws to a close

The evening light was beautiful, and the steers, which actually belong to Hershel’s lifelong friend Raish and his family, gathered around me. At first I thought it was because I made the water flow, but after a bit I realized they were just curious. I had a camera, since that’s my tool, so I made some images of them as they drew nearer. I stood quietly and watched as they got closer and tried to figure me out. Though they are large, powerful animals, they are quite nervous and shy, so if I moved at all, they would scatter away.

Ultimately I enjoyed the warm, breezy night in that perfectly flat slice of the American plains, but I missed my wife, and thought of Hershel and the grand things he and his strong, stoic self would probably never do again. He wouldn’t be out there any more, riding fences or welding gate pipes or teaching the kids to ride four-wheelers. I wished he was out there with me, whittlin’ or pickin’ ticks off the dogs or some other quiet country activity.

If this entry is about anything, it is about your next breath, and how precious it is. Now is our time to be strong. Hershel was so strong for so long, and we admire that so much. Go, now, and be strong while you can.

View of one of the barns on the Shoffner's place in the country outside Ryan, Oklahoma

View of one of the barns on the Shoffner's place in the country outside Ryan, Oklahoma

“I’ve been driving all night, my hand’s wet on the wheel…”

By , April 8, 2010 9:57 pm
That boy just ain't right...

That boy just ain't right...

Long drive home, but Utah was, as always, completely worth it. I have that most excellent stiff-calf feeling from pushing myself hard when I hike.

There is nothing in the world better than coming home to Abby. When we are apart, something is missing in both our hearts, and when we are together again, we melt into each other. We are home.

Sweet Tooth

By , April 8, 2010 1:06 pm

I was recently on the road, and I have XM satellite radio. By far my favorite station is Doctor Radio, an excellent call-in style show presented by the NYU Langone Medical Center.

As usual, many of the shows were about America’s latter-day health crisis, type II diabetes. For those of you who don’t know, this ailment is cause by a number of risk factors, but most significantly poor diet and a sedentary lifestyle, coupled with the obesity associated with them.

Image of an obese man taken from Wikimedia Commons

Image of an obese man taken from Wikimedia Commons

The biggest point the doctors on these shows make is the dangerous prevalence of refined sugars in the diets of people in the developed world. This, however, is a point that I don’t exactly understand, and what I don’t understand is this: why do people like sugary foods? In particular, why do people like the boring, simple taste of these foods? Doughnuts, cake, Pepsi, M&Ms, candy, bon-bons, Frosted Flakes, Twinkies, and on and on. I just don’t get it. Not only are these foods uninteresting to my taste buds, but I can feel a distinct negative effect on my body almost immediately after consuming them.

Have people forgotten how much better a strawberry is than a Ding-Dong? How much more complex and interesting a cantaloup is than a candy cane? Maybe that’s it: many or even most people have relatively simple, infantile, under-evolved tastes. The subtlety of a red bell pepper is beyond their capacity, so of course they need the sledgehammer-esque sugar blast of Ho Hos.

I was thinking about all this as I listened to these doctors proposing naive, unrealistic and ultimately ineffective solutions to this problem. Get more exercise. Eat a balanced diet. Yeah, right. These options have always been the right answer, yet we are fatter and sicker than ever. The developed world could be standing on the brink of a new era in human potential, with the aegis of science solving some the most horrible and incurable disease problems in history, but at the same time science and industry give us cheaper, sweeter, simpler, and ultimately more destructive foods, and the sedentary lifestyles that allows us to spike our blood sugar and destroy our bodies.

Instead of letting the beta cells in my pancreas die as I sit here, I’m going to finish my 15-bean soup and go mow the lawn. I hope to see you out there.

“On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair…”

By , April 5, 2010 10:48 pm
Happy to be out in the wilds of Canyonlands

Happy to be out in the wilds of Canyonlands

I am back in Monticello tonight after hiking the excellent 8.1-mile Chesler Park/Devil’s Pocket loop in the Needles district at Canyonlands National Park, in case you were wondering.

Abby’s father is ill, so I may have to cut this trip short. In the mean time, keep him in your thoughts.

Take It Easy

By , April 4, 2010 10:23 pm

After fourteen hours on the road, I have pulled into the friendly mountain town of Monticello, Utah. I’ve got that semi-numb driving-all-day buzz in my body, but I do love the road. I had good conversations on the phone with some of my friends as I drove, and of course I called Abby about half a dozen times, and of course we already miss each other.

I am hoping to hike this week, but tomorrow, anyway, has a somewhat foreboding forecast, particularly the 50-mph wind gusts.

“Take it easy, take it easy
Don’t let the sound of your own wheels
Drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
Don’t even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand
and take it easy…”
-The Eagles

Brooding pose at some badlands near Huerfano Mesa along U. S. 550 in New Mexico

Brooding pose at some badlands near Huerfano Mesa along U. S. 550 in New Mexico

Rabbit

By , April 4, 2010 11:44 am

Okay, some basic truths about the Easter bunny:
1. Although his name is Harvard Jerome Bunnington III, most people call him “Harvey”.
2. He doesn’t lay eggs. The eggs are laid by his wife Jessica the night before Easter, Easter Eve.
3. If you laid all of the Easter eggs laid by Jessica on that single night end-to-end at the equator, most of them would sink to the bottom of the ocean.
4. Harvey spent four years in a Guatemalan insane asylum. Coincidentally, those were the same years that Santa was in a Burmese prison on trumped-up drug-running charges. Those four years, 1933-1937, were known as “The years without a Santa Claus or an Easter bunny,” but television producers thought “The Year without a Christmas Tree” would be a better title.
5. Santa’s wife is also named Jessica. Jessica is the most popular name among the holiday glitterarty, and includes Jessica Valentine and Jessica Julyfourth.
6. http://www.rabbitrecipes.net/

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