The Notepad of Destiny

As the year 2008 comes to a close, I thought I would amuse the readers of the Giant Muh with a few key gripes from the notebook with the squished spiral that I keep in the seatback pocket of my car (so I can complain on the road).

  1. The Viagra/Cialis dual purpose: fat men who can’t get it up, both because they are fat, and because their wives are fat. If I had a fat, ugly wife, and was a fat ugly man, I could imagine needing drugs to help my “special purpose.”
  2. Lately I have been pretty annoyed that wieners aren’t made out of animal wieners. Isn’t that some kind of flagrant false advertising?
  3. 9 a.m. Wednesday. (I’m not sure if this was a complaint, or just an appointment.)
  4. When I was a senior in high school, the guys I hung out with had expensive stereo systems in their (dad’s) cars. One day I noticed a button on one of the stereos marked HEAD.”Hey,” I asked, “what does ‘HEAD’ mean?” One of them replied, “It controls equalization!” I then asked, “What does that mean?” He replied, louder and less patiently, “It controls equalization!!” Ass jacket.
  5. There don’t seem to be any fat people in Moab, Utah.
  6. On my last trip out west, I saw more than one hitchhiker with wheeled luggage. Need I even comment on this?
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  1. Yes, you certainly should have warned us before the photo, LOL. Now it’s too late. Both my eyesight AND my sanity would likely be irrevocably damaged, except that I own a mirror, so I’m used to this sort of thing.

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