(You may regard this as a class 4 attempt at being un-funny)

“How come life gets so sh*tty sometimes? You just don’t know if you can hold on any longer. I just want to close the garage door in my car and have a nap.” -H

For every human there are approximately 1,000,000 ants.

Chances that an American cannot name a single right protected by the Bill of Rights: 1 in 3.

Rank of Catwoman among superheroes American boys under the age of 10 say they would most like to be: 1.

My intestines shall forever be known as my bioslurry management device.

10-06-2001  —>  Doctor on Fox News accidentally says “smallcox.”

Meet the Hugh family!
Hugh Jexcess
Hugh Jorafice
Hugh Jamerican
Hugh Junit
Hugh Jerror
Hugh Janus
Hugh Jidiot
Hugh Jass
Hugh Jantlers
Hugh Jorgan
Hugh Jaxident
Hugh Jego
Hugh Jenema

We are a table of margarita kill-bots. Oooo! Somebody order a seaweed enchilada!

F*cking Eskimo restaurant! These plates are so cold!

She said she was scared enough to pee her pants at an elementary school haunted house. What was that about a box of noses?

Neuratic. Hugemungus. Huge mongoose.

“You’re cool. At least on paper.” -N

“A possible nuther anthrax threat.” -Fox News

The U. S. Army Penetration Weapons Research Center at Dickson Moorehead, North Dakota.

“I’ll tell him how the cow ate the cabbage!” -M

“You know that ride, Space Mountain, that everyone goes on just to say they’ve been on it? I feel like that ride.” -J

What about Dixie? Write about Dixie!  (Secondary punch line: My Dixie Wrecked.)

Dixie wrote some crazy sh*t, but nothing crazier than her fourth suicide note:
“Dear stupid sons and daughters of bitches,” it started, and got worse from there. Eventually it rambled on for three pages, and she compared herself to Christ, “except that I didn’t have it coming like he did.”

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